Sunday, October 31, 2010

Trick or Treat...DAY TWENTY EIGHT!!!

Happy Halloween Everyone!

First off let me say this... there is really no end to my generosity. I have been offering the kids that come by the house some of my COVETED and hard to find Edemame and Carrot Puree ..OR they can feast in the TREAT option of some Tomato Gazpacho.

I have also offered to karate chop them in the esophagus if they find that to be a TREAT.

I am so shocked that so far - not ONE of those damn kids had taken me up on the offer. Weird how they would rather have a king size chocolate bar...????

All that junk food, all those empty calories, all that processed nasty deliciousness..... all that going straight to the back of their junior Thass started kits....

I bet ALL of their cellulite farmers have a woody tonight.

For all of us...this is our inner fat girls prom night. Halloween...the night we get BAGS of candy from strangers. Then hide half of it in our closets so when our parents take it and dole it out in acceptable rations we can still go to the "stash" and eat KitKat mini bars until faces fall off.

good times.

It's ok though - I'll skip the candy. No KitKats for me, thank you. I couldn't possibly have a mini candy bar anyway. I am STUFFED from my 4oz serving of blended chicken and celery soup.
I couldn't eat- I mean drink - another bite.

"Bitterman, party of one. You're table is ready. Bitterman, party of one"

ok, ok... I sound a little bitter tonight about being denied a tiny, itty bitty bite of candy.
But you know what? If I look at the names of some of the candy's - they speak directly to why I DO NOT usually eat them.
I try not to eat at establishments or eat food items that basically tell you exactly what will happen if you eat them too often.
For example...

Fat Mo's.
Chunky Monkey. get the picture.

So, after skipping the candy basket tonight - which all jokes aside - wasn't really that hard...but it's much more funny to act like it was torture... I decided to sit down and write today's blog.

That , of course , made me think "Blog - what an odd word." If you think about it - my blog topic is kind of perfect because I think blog sounds more like a word that would describe a big, fat, dimplie swamp ass -than a random opinion or writing.

"Gosh, she's REALLY put on some weight. She's kind of getting a big ole blog ass."
Am I right???

I digress - so 28!!! can you believe it??? I only have TWO MORE DAYS!!!
 Today was a pretty good one all in all.
Sunday's tend to be much more easy that Monday- Friday, due to more free time.
After waking to no power on at the house..?... James and I went on a drive and took Stevie out to throw the ball at the park. Since there was no way to get started on my workout without power to turn on Tracy. Even though I probably know it all by heart at this point, somehow it just wouldn't be the same without her leading me through the paces and all the while giving me the stink eye.

I will say this - I am more than ready to move on to a new DVD. I'm getting really burnt out on the same dance moves.

I say that, but I am a little nervous about being released into the wild with no actual schedule to guide me from day 31 on...
I'm sure I will figure it out! AND with all the amazing tips you guys offer  I will devise a plan that works.
They only thing I need to tweak is the time ...surely the next phase won't require 3 hours of working out a day???? Cause I'm loving what I'm seeing happen to my body and want to keep it up...but 3 hours a day is a little excessive for day in and day out.

Does anyone know an exact plan? I bought all the DVD's - I was thinking I would start the design series...???

Love to hear what everyone else is doing!

I felt MUCH better today doing my workout. Not that I was grunt, sweat and cursing free - because that is NOT going to happen with this plan...but I wasn't wishing I would suffer some bizarre accident to put an end to it either.

According to my heart rate monitor... I burned 1300 calories. That's A LOT. Surely I am not chocking down 1300 calories of goop in 4 oz doses...? Surely I will eventually drop to 127 even though I am getting more muscular every day?
I really don't know! and don't call me Surely.

I stayed at 128 again today...but it's sooooooo close to going all the way down to 127. Come on you little stubborn son of a bitch!!! DROP- DAMN IT DROP!!!!
I thought a lot about it today in my workout.

I thought about that one pound of fat going away. I thought about the old man skin on my stomach going away. I thought about the Halloween candy - oh wait - I didn't mean to admit that. I thought about the Thass and the bathing suit and how far I'd come in thirty days...and that really helped me to dig a little deeper and push a little harder.(not the candy - the other stuff)

I think for the first time, maybe ever, I feel like working out hard is for a reason and not an illusive promise. That in and of itself motivates me.

You know what else motivates me??? This... I went to grab some cut offs to throw on to watch the Titans game (they lost, CRAP!) anyway - I grabbed my "smaller" cut offs thinking - "Hey, I bet these fit now!". I pulled them on and I am not exaggerating when I say - they fell off. Literally fell straight back down to the floor!!!!!!
I stood there in my bra and panties with my cutoff's at my ankles laughing. I was sort of in shock.
I picked them up to check the size again, yep. they are the smaller ones.
Weird, huh?
Then I grabbed some other ones...the ones in the back of the drawer...the ones with the tags still on them.
Why? because I obviously bought them for the body I have in my brain movie. I have never worn them because they are so small that they cut into my thigh fat the last time I tried them on. Sware.
So- hey maybe they will fit now.... I pull them on and they are HUGE and baggy.
All measurements aside, all scales be damned, all body fat pinches ignored - this one moment was the most shocking realization I have had to date as to how much my body is changing.

I guess when you see yourself everyday you see the changes a little at a time. This was shocking.
I was fired up! and furthermore I felt proud of myself! That's a big double whammy of self love that no SNACK SIZE ALMOND JOY will ever give ya!!! (although I should mention that I F-ing LOVE Almond Joys!!! Sorry - I do... I mean they have the word JOY in the name...come on!!!)

So after the very welcomed "shorts that now fit revelation"...I am beginning to wonder about what I am going to wear to the upcoming award shows in November. Remember - we are in the music we will be attending the BMI awards (for songwriters and publishers) and the CMA's (Country Music Association)  and they are back to back.
I have been planning on wearing the spectacular dresses that I bought for last year and didn't wear. was a classic Thass block. I bought them and then a month later my fat ass couldn't get in them.

But now I'm wondering if - like almost everything else in my closet - I've shot right through them????
I would try them on but they are in the closet that is currently behind my giant mirror that I dance in front of everyday! I tried to move it the other day by myself but I smashed my finger. It hurt like shit.
I preferred it to some of the leg work.

James may have to help me move it again to get the dresses out so I can see if they fit...or are TOO BIG!!! haahah! oh damn! I may have to go buy some new clothes!!!

I can't wait to get measured again on Tuesday!!! Although I cannot imagine the numbers being much different from last time (on day 19) - who knows...that's what I thought last time and they were bigger drops than the first ten days.

either way - I'm very happy with several things...
I am happy with my results - (side note: I just accidentally typo'd "results" and I looked down and it said "resluts". In my infinite immaturity - It made me giggle)
I am happy I gave this program a chance.
I am happy I did it by the book.
and I am happy it's almost over!!!

Tomorrow is like Christmas Eve .... or  Thass-mas Eve!!!!
Then it will be Thassmas Day!!!!

I will post all my numbers on Tuesday night and will post photos - on Tuesday or Wednesday! Promise!!!

I will have to drum up some "before" shots - because I took some on my Iphone and then I dropped my Iphone and it blew up and I did not have them on my computer yet.
I take that as a VERY CLEAR sign that I do not need to post before pictures of me in my bathing suit on the Internet - because I am very good with pictures and emailing them and saving them, etc - I never "lose" it must be diving intervention.
But I will take some photos for you guys to see what I look like "after"....
and who knows! Maybe Tuesday's "after" shots will one day be my old man stomach skin's "before" shots!!! Dare to dream!

You know, if you think about it - going to a cleanse the last five days is kind of genius. I never thought I would lust after a half-grapefruit or some seared fish over dry lettuce.
Maybe it's part of the big trick to ease us back into longing for healthy foods. Because at this point - any healthy, regular -SOLID - food would be very exciting!!!

Well played Tracy. Well played.

I am almost there, people - ALMOST THERE!!!

I couldn't be more happy to know you will all be there when the ribbon stretches across my chest (which- has shrunk considerably, btw) and I cross the finish line!

I am sore. I am tired. I am proud of myself.

and as it turns out - all the time, all the effort, all the sweat, all the hard work-... I am worth it.

 28 DAYS DOWN...
  2 DAYS TO GO...

 all BY THE BOOK...


PS- I pooped today!!!!! :) Made me very happy. Exceedingly happy.
       Is that odd????


  1. Laura,
    You rock my face off! I think on your very first blog you said something like -I cannot imagine ppl caring about my silly blog, but we will see what happens." Now 130 followers strong and mucho inches are officially my hero. I think you should continue the blog long after the booty is high and tight...your blog has replaced dessert for most of us (it is nice and calorie free not to mention full of flavor) well done!!

  2. LOVE your blog! seriously CAN'T WAIT for Tuesday's results!!!

  3. I stumbled on your blog. Thank you for writing it. I think I have to go buy the book and start the challenge! I cant wait to se you final results!

  4. Laura. Way to go! You are the first blogger I have followed. I look forward to getting up and reading your blog as part of my morning ritual! Keep it up!-if it's not everyday, I totally understand! Marisa

  5. I can't wait to see hear about your final measurements! Your inspiring me to do the 30 day boot camp

  6. hi! you are a great inspiration to me! i want to try and be like you! if i can get my weight down to where you are now, i would be so happy! and my weight now is where you started so i am very curious to see how much you have lost when this is all done! oh and if you do 1 dvd of the perfect design series set and the dance cardio dvd, it should only take you 1.5 hours a day, much better than 3 hours!

  7. Laura...don't know what I'm going to do on a daily basis without your blog! I literally can't wait til the next day of laughter and wisdom from your workouts! You keep me going...thank you so much!

  8. Congratulations! You are doing so well! (And like Marisa, believe it or not, now that I feel as though I've officially reached blog stalker status embarrassingly enough yours is the first blog I've ever followed.) Anyway, you've been such an inspiration. And, echoing Sasha, I purchased Perfect Design I and Beginner Dance Cardio, which, incidentally, is NOT beginner for my uncoordinated FASS, but as usual, I digress - it's about 1.5 hours. Also, and sorry this is so long, but I tried PD1 before the bootcamp, and it was SERIOUSLY hard, but now, it's not easy, but doable, so there's that to look forward to as well. Anyway, this is way too long, but good luck to you and all your followers!

  9. I am THE HAPPIEST person in the world when I ready the wonderful comments you all leave me!! Sware - so nice!!!I love my blog stalkers!! you rock - keep it up! we are all inspiring each other!! I will keep blogging for sure- it's too much fun! We can all decide together when we've talked each other out! until then...xoxoLA

  10. Wow you get to go to the CMA's?? How cool is that. I love countrymusic. I think you deserve to buy completely new dresses since the ones you bought last year is too big now :-D way to go!!!

  11. Haha I didn't see the pooptalk ;-) made ME glad to read that you did since i'm worrying about that hehe. Yaaay ;-)