Wednesday, April 20, 2011

7 day juice fast... PART 2.. goes... juice fast part 2 ..and my embarrassing story of ZERO will power....

and let me just say that today's entry goes out to ALL OF YOU who commented to me back during the days of my original boot camp that "I was so motivating with my dedication and discipline"... and that you "could never be so perfect about your diets..." well, we are all only human and oh how the mighty can fall!!!

I am going to share with you another story of a rather comical not-so- Tracy- Anderson "By The Book" moment...

So, as I was saying - I went to We Care to have my annual cleanse.

Just prior to any and all We Care visits they encourage you to do a (minimum) three day pre-fast to prepare your body for the cellular level detox.

This constitutes of eating all fruits and vegetables, no alcohol, eliminating caffeine and drinking lots of water.
I have always followed my pre-fast instructions.
I did so mostly out of sheer enthusiasm for the experience of going and not wanting the fast to be any more difficult that necessary.

But come to think of it ...I have not really ever taken off for We Care on the heels of a complete meltdown...until THIS trip....

(a little foreshadowing , folks.. did you catch that???)

So - I won't bore you with the details of what caused the meltdown, but it was directly tied to the other sources of stress I've been experiencing over the last two years as it was , once again, linked to nightmarish commercial real estate deals that have proved to be "less than sound investments".

And although I know we are certainly not alone in this type of situation- as the entire world seems to be dealing with their own versions of financial difficulties- it is still very stressful and I can sometimes feel like we are the only ones dealing with the craziness!
 NORMALLY - I handle it with a grain of salt...but some days are worse than others and I find that  I just have to put that grain of salt around the rim of a margarita.

What can I tell you...???

I also had my 42nd birthday the day before I left for We Care...which I choose (due to fatigue and lack of desire) not to celebrate at all.

I had lots of fun offers to go to dinner and or otherwise celebrate, but I was so damn tired that I just felt more like sitting on the couch and watching a movie and doing nothing.
Instead of a birthday part I opted for a pity party.

I mean, really??? What a loser move that was...
Since I am now in my 40's and this is when people typically start lying about their age I should have realized  that I'm only going to turn 42 two or three more times in this lifetime - I should celebrate them all.

The next morning my flight left for Palm Springs at 6:00 am - so up at 3:00 am to pack and shower.
God forbid I do either of those things ahead of time....???

I drug my totally toxic, non- pre-fasted body on the plane and promptly bought one of those full size canisters of chips they sell on airlines now.

(side note: what the hell is that about??? When they used to give you free stuff, it was four peanuts in a tiny for three dollars you can buy a Sam's Club size can of potato chips or a cookie that is large enough to use as a tray table)

I washed those salty little food hugs down with a diet coke and felt my travel cankles immediately taking shape as the sodium joined forces with the cabin pressure.

Wow - I really needed to get there and start my detox before I skin split open.

Upon landing in Palm Springs I took the deepest breath you could imagine and felt the instant lift of stress the minute the sunshine hit my face!!!

This is the way I always feel the minute I get off the plane in Palm Springs (the airport is "open air", btw) and it always greets you with the wonderful smell of the dessert and mountain air - heaven!

It also has become synonymous to my senses as the sights and smells that accompany my imminent cleansing and the healthiest seven days I spend all year. It is all I can do to be patient enough to get my bags and get there to start the process!

Ahhh...We Care - my sanctuary, my sacred place of healing, my ticket to health and wellness, my...
wait a come I am in Palm Springs ,smelling the air...seeing the mountains...and...WANTING TO GO HAVE A COCKTAIL????

OMG - it's noon- on a Sunday, I'm on my way to cleanse...I DID NOT pre-fast- AT ALL... and am literally jonesing to go sit on a patio somewhere and have a very civilized meal and a big fat drink!

Well,  I shook it off, because it was such a ludicrous thought.

I am here and got up at the obscene hour of 3:00 am so I could rush to We Care and begin my cleanse and not miss a day - besides - I have a massage scheduled at 2:00... to kick off the relaxation process and that will be heaven...and THAT will be much better than having another meal and a cocktail...
I could not wait for that massage!!!

I drove the 20 or so minutes to We Care, down the meth lab rode, greeted all my friends that work there, got my bag of potions and vitamins and my schedule for the week and had just enough time to drop my bags before I went straight to my massage.

I didn't even have time to slam down my first "detox drink"... which really sets all the wheels in motion.

I can only imagine that massaging my bloated body felt like trying to massage a water balloon...if said water balloon had dry skin.

But man..did it help! I was feeling better already! AND I had a "Korean Body Splash" scheduled that night at hopefully rectify the whole lizard skin issue.

I had three hours to kill in between services...what to do with my time, I asked myself.

Should I go jump on the mini-tramp to start my lymphatic system working? should I go meditate? Walk the labyrinth? sit quietly and read? soak in the hot tub?
These were all lovely options.

Guess which one I choose????

None of the above.

I choose to get out of my Terry cloth robe...put my "street clothes" back on, get in my rental car, drive back down the meth lab road, BACK into Palm Springs, and straight to the Parker Hotel...where I promptly sat down - BY MYSELF - and ordered...wait for it...

a mother scratchin' CHEESEBURGER with TRUFFLE FRIES (with an extra side of ranch dressing for dipping the fries - duh.) guessed it...a big fat Cranberry and Vodka!!!! a big fat Vodka Cran that was so good that when I finished it... I had a another!!!

OMG- I was on the LAMB from We Care!!!!

I was sitting on the patio of the Parker Hotel -with my hair FULL of massage oil -  ALONE - drinking and waiting on a big huge cheeseburger...with truffle fries.

This really did BEG the question..."Are you shitting me???"

I was checked IN to We Care and had a massage and then LEFT We Care to go be a big cow. A big cow with greasy hair ... and no big cow friends.


That's really all any self respecting cow has to say in times such like these.


and let me go ahead and clear this up case the suspense is killing was the single best cheeseburger, fries and drink I have ever had in my life!!!!!

I mean - it was just what the doctor ordered... If the doctor was Dr Kevorkian.

I think I just wanted to sit somewhere, quietly and peacefully, acknowledge my birthday and be alone for thirty minutes so I could just "be"...
"be" a big fat cow... with a bar tab.

But it definitely scratched my itch.

I think I would have longed for that hour and those 900 (or 1900 ) calories all week long if I hadn't gone.
Although it was completely unlike me... I didn't even care!

It was literally the first time in my adult life that I have ever had a drink by myself. I could rationalize that I wasn't really by myself because at this point I was bloated into what could  at least be considered two and a half of me.

Moo twice.
I was now a small , self contained herd.

I was so completely and utterly satisfied with my glutenous indulgence that I really didn't even feel any guilty.

That was until a couple of things happened...

There were two very nice women sitting at the table next to me and they were eyeing my truffle fries.
(back off bitches...I will cut you if you make one move towards my food)
oh no - I was clearly an angry cow.

They asked if the fries were as delicious as they looked and I answered - with a huge mouthful of burgers and fries..." Oh, mm hmm, Hell ya they are".
They then began asking me what I was doing in Palm Springs.

ahhhh - the million dollar question...
With another mouthful of burger I answered.." I'm here doing my annual health cleanse".

They laughed, thinking I had made a great joke -and obviously thinking I was kidding - so after washing down my mouthful of burger with a swig of vodka cran - I said "No, I'm actually not kidding"... and then proceeded to tell them the story that I had fled the premises after checking in and would be returning as soon as I was finished eating my HUGE meal and having my drink...or drinks rather.

I thought they were going to fall off their chairs laughing. Turns out that their friend at the hotel with them was checking in to We Care the next day!!

They wanted to know all about it - about how healthy it was and how great it made me I said to them what any self respecting "health nut" would ...I said...

"I'll tell you all about it if I can bum a ciggy".

Sware...I told them all about We Care while I smoked one of their cigarettes!!!!!

A SMOKEY TREAT!!!! I had officially gone over the edge.

OMG - what was next??? some meth from the meth lab at the end of meth lab road??? (btw- there isn't really a meth lab on the We Care road, but there is a very sketchy looking trailor...just sayin')

Anyway...they were a hoot!! We shared some soul cleansing deep laughs - all at my expense, of course, and I couldn't have been happier!
I was satisfied -and simultaneously disgusted, but REALLY happy about giving in to all my indulgences... I guess sometimes you just have to let loose and let your inner cow graze a little.

With my slicked back massage oil  hair, full belly and fading little buzz I drove back to We Care - just in time to go to my Korean Body Splash!

So - what was the second embarrassing moment?? Not so embarrassing as it was funny -
I greeted my therapist for my treatment and immediately confessed where I had been and what I had done - and she laughed out loud and then said...

"First of all- that is soooo not like you and secondly - thank God you told me ...because I was really going to be worried since I knew you checked in earlier and you kind of smell like vodka"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I relaxed during my treatment and felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders ...crawled in to my bed and slept like a rock that night.
I woke up the next day and HIT IT HARD - Detoxing, exercising , meditating and was "by the book" for the next six and a half was pure bliss.

It really did save my life...with every passing day I felt like a new person!

I EVEN did my Tracy Meta workout a couple of times -not the cardio, as they discourage strenuous cardio exercise while fasting...of course... they also discourage cheeseburgers, cocktails and cigarettes!!!!

I guess the moral of the story is this...

sometimes you just have to be a cow.

But never try to hide it - or they'll think you're a cow with a drinking problem.


I hope everyone can relate with my stumbling blocks and remember to forgive yourself when you need to take a break...enjoy it, don't feel about it guilty...and then stop being a cow.

I do believe that Tracy could even whip a cow into shape!!!

So - this cow (I'm not really a cow- I'm just sticking with the theme for theatrical purposes) is getting up tomorrow and working out the last few days and happy to be in a better place!!!!

I'm doing Meta Glut and let me tell you - I have been SORE all over again- it never does get any easier when you take too much time off.. but I know it will get better soon...
until then...
I'll keep trying!

Next I'll fill you all in on my life changing trip to South Africa and by that time I think I'll be ready to unveil my new plan of attack on finalizing the Thass reversal!!!! I will hopefully have devised my plan by then!!

This mad cow is gonna finish what she started!!!!

I would love to hear more from anyone who is doing Meta and how they are liking it and what kind of results they are achieving - and I'll pass it on to all our friends out there reading!

xoxo La

PS- a Special thank you to Rick and Stephanie for sending me to We Care this last go round - I was there to with their very talented daughter, Alexa (who is an AMAZING singer and is making a great album right now- more about her soon!) and we both loved it! It really did come at a time when I needed it and I appreciated you sending us both!
My inner cow AND my colon both say thank you!!!!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

The seven day juice fast!!! Part 1...

So... somewhere sandwiched in between a couple of meltdowns... I managed to slip off to a rather life changing sanctuary I discovered about 8 years ago - and have returned almost once a year ever since...

It is called, simply - "We Care".

It is a holistic juice fasting cleanse retreat located just outside the beautiful Palm Springs, Ca.
More specifically it is located in the not so beautiful Hot Dessert Springs, Ca... 

Even more specifically - it is located down a dirt road that you would sware lead to nothing other than  a meth lab.

I'm not kidding.

But none the less - at the end of this dreary little road is one of my favorite places on earth...We Care.

As I mentioned before - I try to go at least once a year and I never feel better - EVER- than when I leave We Care.
Why - because it is there that I embark on my annual detox... on a cellular level.

Every toxin is flushed from your body (literally flushed... and we will get to that in a minute) and it feels AMAZING!!! only really feel amazing after about the third day of not eating - because before that - while you are in a massive state of detox - you feel like poop.

And speaking of poop - you do a lot of that too. Sorry - just stating the facts!

Oddly - the "not eating" part is actually tolerable - they have you taking minerals, juices and supplements almost every hour - as well as - drinking this bizarre detox drink in the morning and evenings that puffs up in your stomach and acts as the "internal scrubber brush" while it...ummm...makes its way toward the exit.

What helps it all "find it's way to the light" , you ask... AHHHH...we've finally gotten to the real heart of the matter - Well, did I mention that you get a colonic every day you are there???

For any of you that might not know what a colonic is... I am going to try and explain it - without grossing anyone out... which is difficult ...because there is no easy way to say it...

so I'll just cut to the chase...

A colonic is when a tube is lovingly stuck up your butt and then they fill you with water.
And as they say - what goes up, must come down...sooooo the water then comes back out the tube (same tube- cause let's face it one tube is already asking a lot to tolerate) and as the water makes it's way brings all sorts of "friends" with it.

"Friends" that have been stuck to the sides of your colon for longer than you want to think about.

You can witness all your departing "friends" as they run down the tube and make their way to the sewer system- or in We Care's instance- septic system.

Sware. again... as disgusting as all this may sound - and as much as you might be thinking you would never want to see any of these little colon candies... I'm telling you you will want to see them...and it's kind of awesome.
In a nasty but train-wreck-can't-help-but-look kind of way.

After a few days - it inevitably begs the question "Ummmm - where is ALL THAT coming from ??""

well, it's like Prego, ladies and gentlemen - IT'S IN THERE!

They whole process is much more dignified than I'm making it out to be - very hygienic, very professional - but it is what it is... a tube up the butt like a damn garden hose!

You lay on your back with your knees bent and a sheet covering you and you can see the tube through an angled mirror that reflects the tube..

I affectionately call it BM TV.

This made my colon hydro therapist laugh really hard... I guess some people aren't comfortable enough about the whole thing to get a good laugh out of it - but I am not one em!!

I mean - as much as I love this place - and I do - it's WAY too easy to come up with poop camp jokes..I mean - come on!

Ah yes... The Palm Springs Tsunami as I call it. Or just Whoosh - for short...

After about five days - the colonics, in conjunction with the hydrating drinks and detoxing - "soak" off the horrible tar like substance (that has stuck to the sides of the colon and is blocking nutrients from making there way into your body) and all of the sudden these squiggly little "tar babies"(again - my term, not theirs) come out and you are inexplicably compelled to run out of your treatment and tell other guests!!!

Very odd that everyone sits around and openly discusses their "releases" but it is a common topic around We Care.

Oh, and "Take a Tip from Laura":  I would not encourage discussing it at length out of context - because - well - it gets lost in translation and is a WILDLY unpopular topic

...don't ask me how I know.

Now, I'm sure We Care is not for everyone - but here's a little story that might convince even the most skeptical ...
One year a guest at We Care emerges from her colonic and looks like she has seen a ghost. She proceeds to tell everyone that as she was in her colonic - something little and blue came out amongst her "friends" - the colonics therapist says "It kind of looks like a little high heel shoe...???"

The woman said- "OMG, I ate the blue high heel shoe of my Barbie doll...when I was 6!!!!"
She went on to add that she remembers it distinctly because she got in trouble for eating it.
She was in her late 30's at the time.

You do the math. That's a long time for something to be stuck in your colon!!!! EEEWWWWWW!

So- I would highly recommend anyone giving it a try.

You will find yourself getting more emotionally hungry than physically hungry....although by the last day everyone is usually WAY over it and ready to break the fast.

I took my mother a few years ago and she had the ALL TIME greatest We Care quote.

It was day 6 and she was really looking forward to breaking her fast, she felt amazing - but was OVER IT - so she let's out a deep sigh and simply says...

"I'm going to go brush my teeth so I can eat my toothpaste".

Mom, that still makes me laugh!!!!!

On top of all the health benefits there is also a wonderful side effect- as you might imagine- of weight loss.
I have been around 8 times - and every year I lose right around eight pounds each time!

yes, some of it comes back after you resume eating - but most of it stays off for a while - and will stay off a long time if you do not return to the old ways of eating that always cause us to all put weight we have lost back on!

Which - is exactly what I did this go round... I call it the "Re-Tox after the De-Tox"...

just the circle of life folks - out with the with the new!!!

I'm going to sign off for now and tomorrow I'm going to share with you all one of the most embarrassing stories of my life - at least the most embarrassing story of my We Care life...

It is one for the record books of gluttany.

Good grief!!!

and for the record - I'm hanging in at just below 130 - but have committed to Meta for the next few weeks and am cleaning up my eating habits again and getting ready for another big push - I'm ready to get back down to my bootcamp lean weight - I miss it!!!!

I'm hoping a three week hard core push will go a long way in shaking things up!!!

I'll take all the motivation I can get - and thanks for all the well wishes and enthusiasm about me blogging again!!!!

I can't promise everyday- because sometimes there just isn't time- but at least a couple times a week can be a lot of fun!!

So- tomorrow, more about We Care and my embarrassing story, then I'll fill you all in on South Africa - what a life changing trip!!!!

I've got lots of pictures and will share them with you all!

Glad to be back!!!

xoxo La

ALSO- WOW!! All your comments are so stinking SWEET!!! thank you so much!
I am really going to try to rally my energy and will power to start either boot camp again - or more than likely just keep rocking the Meta- and get really disciplined about it - because you all have inspired me do to so and get back in the game with you all!!!
And for the reader who wanted to know my height - I'm 5'6" - actually - I'm really 5'5" and a bout a half inch. In my brain movie I'm 5'9" and ALL LEGS... but that's really beside the point!!

Monday, April 11, 2011

wow - I didn't really MEAN to be gone for...well, months I guess...


I'm not sure exactly what happened...actually ... I know EXACTLY what happened -

I had a complete meltdown over business matters, turned 42, had a horrible sinus infection, had another breakdown, went to a 7 day holistic juice fast spa (where you don't eat for 7 DAYS!),  felt like a new person, stopped melting down, went to South Africa and worked at an orphanage (that's a game changer, right there folks) and then went on a safari....
 got the same sinus infection again...and now I'm home... least that is SOME of what I've been doing!!!

I will break it down and give you the finer details of some of the life changing events that have taken place for me - as well as - the always comical crap I somehow seem to get myself into...and there has been  a LOT of that!!!

I have worked out - A LITTLE BIT - with my meta TAM DVD - but must be honest with you all - I haven't done much... and I CAN TELL...

it's like I slowly tapered off - do to illnesses and schedules - at little at a time - and no mater how LITTLE I worked out - I still maintained ALL my results from Boot... until one day - I had a weird Nutty Professor moment - where I sware I popped back out like a piece of popcorn!!! Not all the way - not even close - but all of the sudden things were a but more wobbily and my butt and legs seemed a little more swamp ass than before ... you know  - just a little backsliding!

Now- I have STAYED UNDER 130!!! which is HUGE for me - but I have obviously compromised my muscle tone and that's no good!

OH- I'm lying a little - (not on purpose- I've just been gone for so long that I do not know where to I beg for forgiveness first - or just get right down to catching everyone up and asking how they are doing????... decisions, decisions...)

I'll stick with stats first and then get to the graveling ...

SO - I did pop over 130 ONCE - DANG!!! and that was the day I got home from South Africa...
I am sorry to report that I ate a small portion of their lovely country and brought it home with me...on the back of my legs.

BUT- I got it back off immediately - and am back focused and ready to firm things back up and rock it out....

This year has been so full of surprises for me - and it's only April... yowza... more on those in the days to come..

for now - I wanted to write to you all and go ahead and see if anyone even cared if I came back or not!!! There were so many sweet messages from you all and I really appreciate it!

I have to be honest with you - the longer I went without writing - the more hesitant I was to write again ...for fear everyone would throw canned tomatoes and tell me  I suck for dropping off the face of the earth!!! Which - would be totally fair... and PLEASE don't think that I have such a high regard for myself that I think anyone's life was affected at all because they could not read my Blog - I PROMISE I wouldn't think that much of myself - but I do know that some of us felt like we were in this fight together - and then right about the time I told you I "got your back" I ditched you to get your ass kicked all by yourself!!!
I have all the faith in the world that everyone was able to carry on and rock out their TAM workouts and diets without me ... but I did miss telling you all about my struggles...and having a laugh with you all over them!

But... enough about that - if you missed me - THANKS and I'm SO SORRY I ran off...
if you didn't miss me - well, then - YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF - what if something had happened to me??? What if I had been hurt? or WORSE... what if I had GAINED WEIGHT???!!!!

My God - have you no heart???? What's wrong with you people????


ok... I think I'm going to be short and sweet today - and just break the ice and see if anyone's still out there... if you are - I'd love to start writing to you again - I have lots to say and have navigated some really tough waters lately and will gladly share all the nasty details with you!

I am also... (gulp) thinking about another round of BOOT!... I have some friends that are really wanting to do it and want my help and for me to do it with them... and I'm ACTUALLY thinking about it . I'll keep you posted...

In the mean time- I did Meta Glut this morning with the Meta cardio - both were more difficult than they should have been...but that's what happens when you let yourself backslide...

I'm going to get after it again tomorrow - and every day after that - until I recover from my travels and get rid of this vacation ass I'm toting around these days....
Fingers crossed it won't take long!

I really have missed you all and CANNOT believe how many people have been reading and checking in without me even posting any new blogs... WOW! thanks for that!

That could also be a very good indicator that I talk WAY too much...

but I'm going to choose to focus on the positive -
and that's me hoping if I start writing again - someone will still care!!!!!

It's good to be back - even if I'm talking to myself! Lord knows it wouldn't be the first time!!!

All my love and more details soon....

every day's a new starting point....

xoxo La