Monday, May 23, 2011

..blame it on the Rapture!!!


I totally crashed over the weekend!!!!!!

I am choosing to blame it COMPLETELY on the rapture. I mean, let's face it - they were predicting the end of the world on Saturday...
So I figured, what difference would it REALLY make if I skipped ONE workout and ate a chocolate chip cookie...ya know...for the good times.

Well, the world didn't end after all (whew)... until Monday morning when I stepped on the scale!!!
Please, Lord... was that some kind of joke...? First the "fake end of the world thing" and then having me gain four pounds in two days from simply not completing my workout...

I mean..COME ON...

Here's how the weekend unraveled for me...

Friday morning- UP AND AT EM'! Going to knock out my workout and then be all showered and ready for our daughter Ariel's visit for the weekend! Coming with her, of course - is her wonderful husband Greg and our gorgeous grand daughter Cecelia!!!!!

I threw on my workout clothes, heated up my room and then... immediately started doing all the last minute things you do before you have house guests...flower arrangements, groceries, various errands and picking up around the house. Now, don't get me wrong - I had PLENTY of time to get my workout in and THEN complete those tasks- but I didn't really want to do it in that order.

It was the beginning of the end....

I finally got around to my exercising - and completed the mat workout and I absolutely and utter fell pray to the fat girl in me and ditched my cardio!!!!
Mainly because I successfully postponed it long enough that by the time they were arriving from the airport I "didn't have time to finish my cardio"...
I gotta tell ya... secretly - somewhere deep down in side - my fat girl had that planned the whole stinking morning.
She did.
She also had me buy cookie dough - ya know..."for the kids"... yah right... I baked those bitches up and ate more of them than any of the kids!!!!

I think my inner fat girl really believed the predictions of the end of the world.
Thank God she only sabotaged my boot camp plan and didn't hold the title to my car or she might have given all my things away and quit our job!

ahhhhh... Saturday. The day of Rapture...well, you can only imagine that listening to people talk about the world ending at 6:00 pm is arguably the GREATEST EXCUSE EVER USED to skip a workout!!!

I will give myself some props.. I did do my cardio on Saturday... rationalizing that I could count both days together and have officially only missed ONE day of working out...since I did cardio one day and mat work the other...
makes good sense, right????

Not sure what I'm going to tell you about why I did NOTHING on SUNDAY!!! - N to the O to the THING...NOTHING.

OMG- Maybe it is the end of the world...?
No.. like I said... the end of the world came this morning when I stepped on the scale and was FOUR pounds heavier...
I know, I know - it's all (or mostly) water weight and some good old fashioned bloat from the deviation from the diet... but it was a harsh little reality check that I was NOT going to be able to pull little stunts like that and get away with it.

Soooooo... I am getting it together to get back on track and finish strong!!!

I do truly feel that it is the key to long term success... not being "perfect" because sometimes we are all "by the book" and sometimes we crash and burn!!! But to let one or two days of slipping up wreck what could be 28 GREAT days... well, that's where we all get in trouble!

I have to forgive myself - not worry about it - and move on. The damage is done, the mistakes made.

I used to yo-yo diet all the time...
I would start every Monday of my life (so it seemed) with a  renewed spirit and determination that it was the start of something special!!! I would tell myself I would be PERFECT... no cheating on my diet, no fat, no carbs, no sweets, no taste, no fun, no booze, no oxygen, no nothing! I would SWARE I would work out everyday and live on snow peas and lemon water...

then I would kick it's ass on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday ...maybe even  about half a day on Thursday... until I ate something "wrong"... you know - that could be anything back in those days... we've all done it - one bite of cake at the office party...some piece of pizza..what ever...

and then the deadliest of all words run through your little mental ticker tape...

"Well, I've already blown I might as well screw the whole thing for today and I'll start over tomorrow - tomorrow I'll be PERFECT AGAIN."

So then you proceed to eat like Ms. PacMan and gobble up food like those little dots on the screen!!!

The sad part is - as we are all shoving our faces with crap food - we are feeling guilty about it - NOT enjoying it and probably taking in more calories in the mentality of "get it while you can, because I 'll never get to eat this again as long as I live...since tomorrow I'm going to start all over again and be perfect forever" than you would normally eat in a week.

Then the next day comes and ...well, it's Friday now... I mean...who ever even heard of starting a diet on Friday? That's just weird... you know what... I'll start again on MONDAY!!!!!!

everyone knows that....

It gets you a sense of failure. It gets you low self esteem because you feel like you "failed" again.
It gets you a wrecked metabolism, and it gets you firmly placed in the shame spiral of answering the following question..."Who ate all the cookies?"

ahhhh...the shame of it all.

It could have been a little slip up - and ENJOYED and savored slip up - which is part of life - and then it would have been a much better weekly average - maybe 6 days great / one day not so great...or a 5/2 split... even a 4/3 is better than nothing!

So- my more adult, healthy mind says this... F@*K IT! Sometimes we slip up.
That is life.

One cookie does not a fat person make.
One cheeseburger does not a fat person make.
One missed workout does not a fat person make.

Sometimes life gets in the way of the best laid plans to be "perfect "...

but before you go and throw away all your hard work on a three days bender... just take a deep breath...take inventory of what you are doing... and if you cannot complete a workout - tell yourself it's what you can.
If you cannot pass up something temporarily forbidden on your diet plan...tell yourself a little is ok...then ENJOY IT!!! Don't feel guilty about it  - just enjoy a little...
and know that it is not an open invitation to stuff your face for three days.

AND you do not need to wait to Monday to get yourself back on track!!!

"MONDAY" is an illusion... Monday is bull sh*t.

 Honor yourself enough to treat each day as a fresh start - and know they are all are as important as any Monday - they all count! Good , bad or otherwise...

I am proud of the fact that I did not pile into any large amounts of food, I did partial workouts on both Friday and Saturday and I only back slid a little bit...
I totally blew off Sunday - but didn't eat poorly at all. I just couldn't seem to get myself motivated to do anything...but I ate well!
AND... I'm back on track today and feeling better about the fact that well...sometimes we aren't all perfect.

and guess what folks... the world doesn't come to an end over it after all!!!!!!

Hope I didn't let you guys down...

but I'm not going to beat myself up about it - for that is what the young, stupid girl I was a long time ago would have done...some of you might have known her - the one that didn't need botox yet...and btw, she was a lot heavier!!!!!

We're all getting better all the time!

We're all beautiful - even when we mess up a little.

I'm trying really hard - and I'll keep trying!!!!!
Wish me luck!


PS- I am hoping that scale shows a little mercy tomorrow morning! :)

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Day 8 - Boot Round 2!

it's happening!
I'm rockin' this OUT!

I have not missed a day yet! It's day seven and I am finally feeling more "lean"...
Interesting enough - my weight has only moved a couple of pounds - but my body seems to be getting smaller again - and going back to it's former post - boot camp shape.

Which confirms what I already knew... I had gained more weight than the scale was really telling me.
Although the numbers said I wasn't really gaining weight - I was losing muscle weight, so the pounds were the same but the size of my body was getting laaaaaaarger.

If you think about it - that's actually very nice of the lie to me. I really appreciate it's efforts to keep the ugly truth from me and not wreck my day each morning.

 My jeans don't share the same opinion of "little white lies and sparing my feelings" as my scale does.
Those bitches are HARD CORE about being honest.
I will say I have a few pairs that contain Lycra and those girls are willing to "stretch the truth" a little bit... but my other jeans...not so much.

They call it like they see it.
And they were seeing it (and by 'it', I mean my ass) getting larger by the day before I got back on track!

It was if I could hear them talking in my closet - behind my back - like a bunch of mean girls huddled around a table...
"Oh girl...she's putting on weight...she better not even think about reaching for me today and expecting to put THAT  in me!"
"You're telling me - girl, she wore me yesterday and had to pull at me all day long to get my waist back over her muffin top - she finally pulled my belt loop so hard it ripped it right out!"
" Sisters -I'm not strong enough to hold all that in - ohhhh...she needs to get back on her program if she wants to wear me again"
"Lawd, Lawd...she gonna try me on and blame the drier for shrinking me again!"

ok- bitches... I got the message. I was running around telling myself that my weight was the same - but WE ALL knew I was gaining inches as I slowly abandoned my TAM workouts...

I'm sorry I blamed the high heat of the drier, I'm sorry I ripped out your belt loops, I'm sorry I threw you on the ground when you refused to zip up...I'm sorry you all missed out on some of my most recent trips, I'm sorry I put some of you on and thought it was your fault I looked a little heavy... it wasn't your fault... it was mine.

I wanted to believe what the scale was telling me - that as long as my weight stayed the same - everything else should "be the same"... but it wasn't true..and I knew it.

All pounds are not created equally... some are dense and fabulous and full of lean muscle...some are nasty , flabby wads of fatty jean-busting ass meat.

just sayin'...

SO - I am happy to report that I am starting to feel a little more lean!!! The muscle tone is rapidly returning and the "size" of my bootay and legs are rapidly recovering and preparing to get back in all those teeny tiny jeans!!!

I'm so happy is back to normal!!! I couldn't post an update for a couple of days due to some updating the sight was doing- then I was traveling and when I came back I was geared up for a bunch of "where have you been" comments...and guess what I found..???

A big NOTHING.. not a peep... I thought "Uh Oh"...everyone has fallen off the wagon and it's eerily quiet here on the Thass network.

But everyone's older comments popped up and loads of you reported having the same trouble that I was experiencing with the site.

SO- now that we are back in working order... and almost back in all the jeans (little bitches)... I will keep on keeping on!

It's day 8 - and it's markedly easier this go round...although I am taking a little more lighter approach to it.
I have not missed a single workout - and will not!
I have not had a single glass of wine or a cocktail.
I have eaten strictly boot camp recipes...with the sole exception of indulging in a banana with some peanut butter while traveling.
I would say I felt guilty about that.. but that would be a lie. I didn't feel guilty about it at all.

Plus- if I said I did, I feel confident that I would get barraged with comments recommending eating disorder clinics for me to look into.

Hey - I was at a friends lake house... everyone was having Mexican food and margaritas and mother scratchin' cupcakes...and I "went crazy" and ate a banana and a spoonful of peanut butter...
I gotta tell ya...I thought it was a complete victory!!!
No chips, no cheese sauce, no fish tacos, no mother scratchin' cupcakes... no wine, no vodka cran, only lemon water!!!!

Victory was mine. Those little jeans will be mine too..sooner than later!

The first boot camp go round - I literally would not have gone to the overnight party for fear of not being able to be "by the book"... so I'm trying to incorporate actually living my life ...with doing boot camp...
and so far so good!!!!

the workouts aren't taking as long as before either - although they will eventually as I plan on working up to 50 and then 60 minutes of cardio again in the next week or so( I am currently doing 40 minutes) that will tack on a a little more time.

I haven't lost the pounds this time that I did the first go round...but then again - I started this round almost ten pounds lighter ...
and I've been sore...and I had a monthly visitor - which always leaves me a little on the bloated side!!!! I'm down a couple of pounds since the start and am currently about a week ahead of my weight loss from last will be interesting to see what happens as I keep at it.

I'm not weighing everyday...which is also strange for me- but again..I am trying to remove so much emphasis from being on the scale numbers (especially since we know she's not exactly honest with me) and focus on health and exercising and sticking to the plan!!!! I'm concerned with weight - but only as one of many factors and not the only factor.

Having said that .. I'm weighing in right around 129... and am anticipating being back down around the 125-126 range by the time the 30 days are over with...

I'm going to measure again in a few days - hopefully, if I can get it together long enough to call Joel and schedule him to come help me out! - when I do - I will post the figures!!!

Again...if Tracy is out there...I'm sure she would be happy to hear that one week of being back on her plan is rapidly un-doing the damage of months of lack luster eating and waining exercising!

Not that I am surprised!!!!

But good to prove it and see the Thass shaping right back up!
Thanks, Tracy!!!!!!

I think I may go wash my jeans and dry them on high heat...not because they are dirty, but because they are bitches and need to be reminded who controls the spin cycle around here!!!!

I'm SOOOOOOO EXCITED for my fellow TAMmers who have reported in!!!
and Paola - you are working out with TRACY!!!???? Fantastic!!!
Please send me a note and let me know how it went so I can pass it on to everyone!

Keep up the good work!!!!!!!

I'm going to go knock out my workout before I have to report to a business dinner...where I will surely sit there drinking lemon water and eating dry fish...but I'll feel good doing it!!!

All my best to each of you!

more tomorrow!!!!


ALL - BY THE BOOK...(except an occasional banana... don't judge me)

xoxo La

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


Well, let me just start off by saying this...


Man... guess what.. it's hard all over again!

I'm sore and tired today... but HEY- I'm not at the hospital being asked questions like....

"any history of heart disease" ... "No"
"any chance you are pregnant"..." None"...(that baby bump looking thing in my belly is just a cheeseburger left over from the weekend)
"do you do cocaine"... "huh?, seriously..? No- I do not" ( first off- I would not have any friends because no one can even tolerate me after a latte - CAN YOU IMAGINE ME ON COCAINE?????? - OMG - I would be nightmare.
Well maybe I would have a few friends because everyone would know that if I came over to their house all hopped up on blow I would eventually re-roof their house before the evening was over.)

"where exactly did you feel the chest pains?"..."ummm- In my chest." ( Was that a trick question? Does anyone ever come in with chest pains and then go on to explain that they felt them in their leg???)

Anyway - after being assured that their was no reason in the world to be concerned with whatever searing pain I had last night in my chest... I came home and crashed!!

I was so happy to get out of the hospital - cause you know what ?- they have loads of sick people there!!!! It's as if all the sick people FLOCK to that place - ick... what's up with that?
I was happy to leave...

 I anticipate the next time I have a chest pain followed by numbness in my arm will probably when I get the bill from the hospital.

so...moving on!

 DAY TWO - OH!!!! DAY's all coming back to me now!!!!!

It's still hard ladies - but it's not AS HARD as it was the first go round- not at all really...

I attribute it mostly to having maintained most of my results from the first go round - and even though I really fell off the wagon in the last month to 6 weeks -in both my eating and my workouts - I can tell my body isnt quite as in shock as it was the first time I did Boot.

Everything is hard - but since I know the exercises and am starting out at 20 reps (just like the first go round) - it is going CONSIDERABLY faster than round one.

Both yesterday and today - I rocked out both my Cardio and Mat in about an hour and 15 - 30 minutes.
The first time around it took me almost 2.5 hours!!!

I am doing 40 minutes cardio - and today I step touched more than yesterday - but will be easing into the cardio over the next five or so days - again- to avoid shin splints...

but I was sweating like a pig!

and my little room was hot as an Easy Bake Oven !!!!

I picked up my food today from my friend that is cooking for me - and was so thankful for it...

so I am officially in the groove now- not in the hospital and am SOOOOOO excited about starting and getting going.. I cannot wait until about a week from now - when all of the sudden you start feeling so lean and so much smaller and all your jeans start fitting again!!!!

That's the best feeling in the world!

I started a brand new dry erase calendar for this go round- and I'm comparing it to last time - so I can keep myself honest about when I increased my reps and when it was hard- when it got easier - when the big changes took place in my body - all that good stuff!

I am going to weigh tomorrow - I am guessing I am around 133 - because I feel sore and swollen... but not really sure - could be better or worse - but I will be interested in comparing this round to last since I am starting at a considerably better starting point!

Don't forget - I've got Bora Bora coming up in late June- and I refuse to have swollen travel cankles and a droopy Thass - NO WAY- I'm going to feel lean and good about myself!!!!


Ok- time to check in with my other lady boot campers!!!

Eloise, Shay, Paola, "N", Ilissa and Jenn H!!!!! - How's it going????
(and we will have Gabrielle joining us on Monday of next week!!)

anyone else out there trying it with us? I know a lot of you said you where in - so if so - check in with us and let us know to be cheering you on!!!!!

@N - you wanted to know where I take my measurements...
in several places:
mid calf / mid thigh (actually about seven inches above the knee)/ lower ab ("waist") / hips / chest / upper arms

I have not measured yet this time - but plan on grabbing some measurements in the next couple of days!!!
IT was tremdously helpful last go round- so if this is your first time -take before and after photos and MEASURE  YOURSELF!!!

It really helps!

I am drinking lots of lemon water and am currently sitting here wanting to eat something ... and by something I mean ANYTHING... and by ANYTHING I mean a snack, some fruit, the neighbors dog.. the neighbor...or anything out of the neighbors fridge. ah geez.'s all coming back to me now... nightime is the most difficult, when the snack attacks set in.

funny how a little self discipline seems SO hard all of the sudden -
I just keep reminding myself that it gets better soon- the first few days are the most difficult ...


I'm so excited about feeling more lean again - I don't even care - I will tough it out...

although the neighbors should put their dogs inside - you know, just as a precaution.

Hoping to hear from all my other BC buddies!!!!

check in with me so I can help keep you honest!!!!

Day three- here we come!

xoxox La

I'll post some pictures this weekend - or maybe even tomorrow - as I'm starting to get caught up and in the groove more and more!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

OMG..first day back on boot camp and I ended up in the hospital!!!!

Well, isn't this just a fine kettle of fish...
Let's get a few things out of the way first...

No, I'm not kidding - I just got back from the hospital.
Yes, it happened on my first day back on boot camp.
No, the two are not related in any way. I promise - it has NOTHING to do with TAM!!!
Yes, I am totally fine and feel great - not a single thing to worry about.

back to the story at hand...

I was just released from the hospital after a couple hours of tests, xray's and blood tests...

why the need to rush to the hospital...?

are you all sitting down (and to avoid unnecessary drama - I must repeat...I am COMPLETELY FINE - NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME WHAT SO EVER - did you get that, mom?) ... but earlier in the evening I had some severe chest pains and then my left arm went numb...


so I was left wondering - Am I having a heart attack????? WTF..????

well, if I go to the hospital when I'm 42 and healthy and active and not overweight - they are going to commit me to the psych ward - or call my mother and accuse her of having Munchhausen Syndrome ...

but if I DON'T go to the hospital and then have to explain later that - "I had weird painful chest pains I've never experienced before -followed by immediate numbness in my left arm, but I assumed it was not a problem because things like that don't happen to me"...

well, you get the point... the pains were abnormal and acute, but I'm young and very healthy...  so I was stuck in the awkward spot of it being ridiculous if I went, and ridiculous if I didn't.

So I went...

Thinking to myself how utterly stupid it was - but at the same time feeling very unsettled about the "chest pain episode"... (which I was laughing to myself because I kept thinking how pissed I was going to be if they told me not to exercise for a few days (btw- no such luck) since I completed day one today and let me tell you what...

it was hard... ALL OVER AGAIN... obviously - I mean - my God- it ALMOST KILLED ME!!!

haha- I'm kidding - like I said - doctor thought the chest pains were something muscular and not to worry - all was great!

I am about to fall asleep at my computer right now - so I'll tell you more about it tomorrow - but wanted to drop you a note to say that DAY ONE didn't kill me - but it damn sure tried!!!

I also wanted to go on record and say that I had a great DAY know - in case the doctor that checked me out at the hospital was a whack job and really wasn't a doctor at all -and I croaked tonight in my sleep- (I'm kidding , mom - please do not call me tonight to check on me) - I'm tired- but I'm all good!!!

and I was ON IT today - rocked out perfect food, hit 20 reps of Mat workout (30 day / days 1-10) and did 40 minutes of 30 day method cardio - mostly step touching I am giving my shins a chance to catch up and not push them too hard - not sure if I mentioned it before - But I am prone to shin splints - so I have to ease into it!

I am following the same plan I followed the first go round - and that is what I did last time- it was LOTS EASIER today - until the whole- "I think I'm having a heart attack thing..."

food perfect- exercise perfect

even with a hospital visit...!!!!!

more tomorrow about day one and my plans for navigating some upcoming hurdles!!!
Here we go girls!!

Day One, Round 2 -  Done- BY THE BOOK!!!

xoxo La

Monday, May 9, 2011

Boot Camp - Round 2!! I'm starting tomorrow-Tuesday!!

Sorry for the false start but my "food supplier" can't start until Wednesday and with all day meetings today I could not get my food going for myself until tomorrow!!!!

I don't mind sharing with you all the I'm TERRIFIED to give this another go- but FULLY committed and can't wait!!!!

and I'm beyond thrilled that so many of you are going to jump in with me!!!

Sounds like lots of you are starting asap - and some might have gotten up this morning and kicked it into gear - WOO HOO!!!!

Tomorrow (Tuesday)'s game on and I will be going at it hard- blogging everyday - or almost everyday - and keeping everyone motivated to the best of my ability...

I may have to resort to reading my own old posts to keep myself reminded of just how hard it was in the first place.... oh good grief!

You know what I'm dreading? hard it's going to be...
You know what I'm excited about? damn good I felt afterwards!!!

I want to figure out how to contact everyone that is jumping in with me - and keep tabs...??

Any thoughts?

Maybe everyone can just post their progress in the comment section...
if any of you are techies-( as I am certainly not!) please throw out ideas - for I am all ears.

By the way - as it turns out - you actually have to continue to do Tracy's exercise to maintain ALL the results. I'm not exactly sure why I thought I could stop working out and eat like sumo wrestler and not backslide... but now that I've tested THAT theory, and found it doesn't quite work that way - I think I'll try doing what I'm supposed to do and get back on it!

I will say that I have not lost all my progress - not even close - so I have high hopes for a speedy recovery and then ON TO NEW FRONTIERS of Thass reversal!!!!

You can only imagine that auto correct just had a field day with that word "Thass"
It's saying "word not found in dictionary"...yah.. no kidding... if it were found in the dictionary - and not on the back of my ass - I wouldn't be so concerned about it!

ok ladies!!!

- and gentlemen - if you're interested...

it's on!!!


I'm scared... someone please hold me.


tomorrow will be DAY ONE, PART 2...and BY THE BOOK!!!!!

xoxo La

Let's do this thing!

OH- btw - I am starting Boot food this evening - so that when I finish my workout on the last day - I will officially be done!! and can celebrate that evening!!! So- I guess I'm kind of starting today!

Friday, May 6, 2011

Boot Camp...ROUND 2!!!! Anyone want a piece of this action???

Holy smoke- I cannot believe I'm about to say this- but I think it's time for another round of bootcamp...

I need to re-set my taste buds, re-set my muscle structure and re-set my discipline... which all seem to be wandering randomly about , doing just as they please, like little kids with no one baby sitter!!!

I am leaving today for the Kentucky Derby!!! SOOOOO fun! I've never been... and I cannot wait.

One reason I knew it was time to think about another round of bot camp... the kick ass dress that I bought to wear to the currently isn't so kick ass.

It would still seem kick ass if Pepperidge Farm were the designer and I was going to be in the "Mrs. Summer Sausage 2011" pageant.

Needless to say - it's a little on the tight side... so- that's it!

Time to pick up the pace and stop the backslide of my backside.

So... I have one friend that's in !! WHO ELSE IS WITH ME?????



I hear crickets chirping right now.
dip those bitches in chocolate and I would eat the crickets right now.

I'm telling ya- it's time!!!!

I have to go right now, because I need to go find another dress to wear to the event tonight and tomorrow to the race...thank God the weather is more chilly than expected...I will blame the different dress on that...and not the complete lack of self discipline.


Oh well! moving on... I will get back on Saturday night and get my room ready, NEW CALENDAR, new measurements and turn the house upside down looking for my new attitude....!!!!!

It's around here somewhere...?

I'm sure my resolve will be further enhanced after my little trip to Kentucky... I'm going to blow it out- eat and drink and return otherwise miserable but READY TO ROCK IT OUT>>>>

please tell me some of you are willing to go to Tracy-Land with me!!! Misery does indeed love company!

I cannot wait, actually!!!!

We start on Monday... (actually I may start the food on Sunday mid-day - because I want to be officially done on day thirty after I finish my workout, and not when I wake up the following morning... that was anti-climactic last time around)

I will not be back to blog until Sunday morning - but I will heck in my comments, Facebook or Twitter to see if anyone wants some of this action!!!!!!

I'm terrified of trying it again...

but look forward to it at the same time...I think I will consider it spring cleaning!

It will be interesting to see how my body responds this go round... faster? the same? is it more difficult? easier? do I get more fit? smaller? who knows.. but I am really looking forward to the health aspect of the results as much or more than any jean size...

I do not feel very healthy right now... even though I am still thin.. I want to feel healthy like I did after bootcamp and for months to follow...

so - here we go!!!!!!!

deep sigh... ok- LET'S DO THIS THANG!!!!

30 days... by the book...AGAIN!!!!!!!

xoox La

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

7 day juice fast... PART 2.. goes... juice fast part 2 ..and my embarrassing story of ZERO will power....

and let me just say that today's entry goes out to ALL OF YOU who commented to me back during the days of my original boot camp that "I was so motivating with my dedication and discipline"... and that you "could never be so perfect about your diets..." well, we are all only human and oh how the mighty can fall!!!

I am going to share with you another story of a rather comical not-so- Tracy- Anderson "By The Book" moment...

So, as I was saying - I went to We Care to have my annual cleanse.

Just prior to any and all We Care visits they encourage you to do a (minimum) three day pre-fast to prepare your body for the cellular level detox.

This constitutes of eating all fruits and vegetables, no alcohol, eliminating caffeine and drinking lots of water.
I have always followed my pre-fast instructions.
I did so mostly out of sheer enthusiasm for the experience of going and not wanting the fast to be any more difficult that necessary.

But come to think of it ...I have not really ever taken off for We Care on the heels of a complete meltdown...until THIS trip....

(a little foreshadowing , folks.. did you catch that???)

So - I won't bore you with the details of what caused the meltdown, but it was directly tied to the other sources of stress I've been experiencing over the last two years as it was , once again, linked to nightmarish commercial real estate deals that have proved to be "less than sound investments".

And although I know we are certainly not alone in this type of situation- as the entire world seems to be dealing with their own versions of financial difficulties- it is still very stressful and I can sometimes feel like we are the only ones dealing with the craziness!
 NORMALLY - I handle it with a grain of salt...but some days are worse than others and I find that  I just have to put that grain of salt around the rim of a margarita.

What can I tell you...???

I also had my 42nd birthday the day before I left for We Care...which I choose (due to fatigue and lack of desire) not to celebrate at all.

I had lots of fun offers to go to dinner and or otherwise celebrate, but I was so damn tired that I just felt more like sitting on the couch and watching a movie and doing nothing.
Instead of a birthday part I opted for a pity party.

I mean, really??? What a loser move that was...
Since I am now in my 40's and this is when people typically start lying about their age I should have realized  that I'm only going to turn 42 two or three more times in this lifetime - I should celebrate them all.

The next morning my flight left for Palm Springs at 6:00 am - so up at 3:00 am to pack and shower.
God forbid I do either of those things ahead of time....???

I drug my totally toxic, non- pre-fasted body on the plane and promptly bought one of those full size canisters of chips they sell on airlines now.

(side note: what the hell is that about??? When they used to give you free stuff, it was four peanuts in a tiny for three dollars you can buy a Sam's Club size can of potato chips or a cookie that is large enough to use as a tray table)

I washed those salty little food hugs down with a diet coke and felt my travel cankles immediately taking shape as the sodium joined forces with the cabin pressure.

Wow - I really needed to get there and start my detox before I skin split open.

Upon landing in Palm Springs I took the deepest breath you could imagine and felt the instant lift of stress the minute the sunshine hit my face!!!

This is the way I always feel the minute I get off the plane in Palm Springs (the airport is "open air", btw) and it always greets you with the wonderful smell of the dessert and mountain air - heaven!

It also has become synonymous to my senses as the sights and smells that accompany my imminent cleansing and the healthiest seven days I spend all year. It is all I can do to be patient enough to get my bags and get there to start the process!

Ahhh...We Care - my sanctuary, my sacred place of healing, my ticket to health and wellness, my...
wait a come I am in Palm Springs ,smelling the air...seeing the mountains...and...WANTING TO GO HAVE A COCKTAIL????

OMG - it's noon- on a Sunday, I'm on my way to cleanse...I DID NOT pre-fast- AT ALL... and am literally jonesing to go sit on a patio somewhere and have a very civilized meal and a big fat drink!

Well,  I shook it off, because it was such a ludicrous thought.

I am here and got up at the obscene hour of 3:00 am so I could rush to We Care and begin my cleanse and not miss a day - besides - I have a massage scheduled at 2:00... to kick off the relaxation process and that will be heaven...and THAT will be much better than having another meal and a cocktail...
I could not wait for that massage!!!

I drove the 20 or so minutes to We Care, down the meth lab rode, greeted all my friends that work there, got my bag of potions and vitamins and my schedule for the week and had just enough time to drop my bags before I went straight to my massage.

I didn't even have time to slam down my first "detox drink"... which really sets all the wheels in motion.

I can only imagine that massaging my bloated body felt like trying to massage a water balloon...if said water balloon had dry skin.

But man..did it help! I was feeling better already! AND I had a "Korean Body Splash" scheduled that night at hopefully rectify the whole lizard skin issue.

I had three hours to kill in between services...what to do with my time, I asked myself.

Should I go jump on the mini-tramp to start my lymphatic system working? should I go meditate? Walk the labyrinth? sit quietly and read? soak in the hot tub?
These were all lovely options.

Guess which one I choose????

None of the above.

I choose to get out of my Terry cloth robe...put my "street clothes" back on, get in my rental car, drive back down the meth lab road, BACK into Palm Springs, and straight to the Parker Hotel...where I promptly sat down - BY MYSELF - and ordered...wait for it...

a mother scratchin' CHEESEBURGER with TRUFFLE FRIES (with an extra side of ranch dressing for dipping the fries - duh.) guessed it...a big fat Cranberry and Vodka!!!! a big fat Vodka Cran that was so good that when I finished it... I had a another!!!

OMG- I was on the LAMB from We Care!!!!

I was sitting on the patio of the Parker Hotel -with my hair FULL of massage oil -  ALONE - drinking and waiting on a big huge cheeseburger...with truffle fries.

This really did BEG the question..."Are you shitting me???"

I was checked IN to We Care and had a massage and then LEFT We Care to go be a big cow. A big cow with greasy hair ... and no big cow friends.


That's really all any self respecting cow has to say in times such like these.


and let me go ahead and clear this up case the suspense is killing was the single best cheeseburger, fries and drink I have ever had in my life!!!!!

I mean - it was just what the doctor ordered... If the doctor was Dr Kevorkian.

I think I just wanted to sit somewhere, quietly and peacefully, acknowledge my birthday and be alone for thirty minutes so I could just "be"...
"be" a big fat cow... with a bar tab.

But it definitely scratched my itch.

I think I would have longed for that hour and those 900 (or 1900 ) calories all week long if I hadn't gone.
Although it was completely unlike me... I didn't even care!

It was literally the first time in my adult life that I have ever had a drink by myself. I could rationalize that I wasn't really by myself because at this point I was bloated into what could  at least be considered two and a half of me.

Moo twice.
I was now a small , self contained herd.

I was so completely and utterly satisfied with my glutenous indulgence that I really didn't even feel any guilty.

That was until a couple of things happened...

There were two very nice women sitting at the table next to me and they were eyeing my truffle fries.
(back off bitches...I will cut you if you make one move towards my food)
oh no - I was clearly an angry cow.

They asked if the fries were as delicious as they looked and I answered - with a huge mouthful of burgers and fries..." Oh, mm hmm, Hell ya they are".
They then began asking me what I was doing in Palm Springs.

ahhhh - the million dollar question...
With another mouthful of burger I answered.." I'm here doing my annual health cleanse".

They laughed, thinking I had made a great joke -and obviously thinking I was kidding - so after washing down my mouthful of burger with a swig of vodka cran - I said "No, I'm actually not kidding"... and then proceeded to tell them the story that I had fled the premises after checking in and would be returning as soon as I was finished eating my HUGE meal and having my drink...or drinks rather.

I thought they were going to fall off their chairs laughing. Turns out that their friend at the hotel with them was checking in to We Care the next day!!

They wanted to know all about it - about how healthy it was and how great it made me I said to them what any self respecting "health nut" would ...I said...

"I'll tell you all about it if I can bum a ciggy".

Sware...I told them all about We Care while I smoked one of their cigarettes!!!!!

A SMOKEY TREAT!!!! I had officially gone over the edge.

OMG - what was next??? some meth from the meth lab at the end of meth lab road??? (btw- there isn't really a meth lab on the We Care road, but there is a very sketchy looking trailor...just sayin')

Anyway...they were a hoot!! We shared some soul cleansing deep laughs - all at my expense, of course, and I couldn't have been happier!
I was satisfied -and simultaneously disgusted, but REALLY happy about giving in to all my indulgences... I guess sometimes you just have to let loose and let your inner cow graze a little.

With my slicked back massage oil  hair, full belly and fading little buzz I drove back to We Care - just in time to go to my Korean Body Splash!

So - what was the second embarrassing moment?? Not so embarrassing as it was funny -
I greeted my therapist for my treatment and immediately confessed where I had been and what I had done - and she laughed out loud and then said...

"First of all- that is soooo not like you and secondly - thank God you told me ...because I was really going to be worried since I knew you checked in earlier and you kind of smell like vodka"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I relaxed during my treatment and felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders ...crawled in to my bed and slept like a rock that night.
I woke up the next day and HIT IT HARD - Detoxing, exercising , meditating and was "by the book" for the next six and a half was pure bliss.

It really did save my life...with every passing day I felt like a new person!

I EVEN did my Tracy Meta workout a couple of times -not the cardio, as they discourage strenuous cardio exercise while fasting...of course... they also discourage cheeseburgers, cocktails and cigarettes!!!!

I guess the moral of the story is this...

sometimes you just have to be a cow.

But never try to hide it - or they'll think you're a cow with a drinking problem.


I hope everyone can relate with my stumbling blocks and remember to forgive yourself when you need to take a break...enjoy it, don't feel about it guilty...and then stop being a cow.

I do believe that Tracy could even whip a cow into shape!!!

So - this cow (I'm not really a cow- I'm just sticking with the theme for theatrical purposes) is getting up tomorrow and working out the last few days and happy to be in a better place!!!!

I'm doing Meta Glut and let me tell you - I have been SORE all over again- it never does get any easier when you take too much time off.. but I know it will get better soon...
until then...
I'll keep trying!

Next I'll fill you all in on my life changing trip to South Africa and by that time I think I'll be ready to unveil my new plan of attack on finalizing the Thass reversal!!!! I will hopefully have devised my plan by then!!

This mad cow is gonna finish what she started!!!!

I would love to hear more from anyone who is doing Meta and how they are liking it and what kind of results they are achieving - and I'll pass it on to all our friends out there reading!

xoxo La

PS- a Special thank you to Rick and Stephanie for sending me to We Care this last go round - I was there to with their very talented daughter, Alexa (who is an AMAZING singer and is making a great album right now- more about her soon!) and we both loved it! It really did come at a time when I needed it and I appreciated you sending us both!
My inner cow AND my colon both say thank you!!!!