Wednesday, April 20, 2011

7 day juice fast... PART 2.. goes... juice fast part 2 ..and my embarrassing story of ZERO will power....

and let me just say that today's entry goes out to ALL OF YOU who commented to me back during the days of my original boot camp that "I was so motivating with my dedication and discipline"... and that you "could never be so perfect about your diets..." well, we are all only human and oh how the mighty can fall!!!

I am going to share with you another story of a rather comical not-so- Tracy- Anderson "By The Book" moment...

So, as I was saying - I went to We Care to have my annual cleanse.

Just prior to any and all We Care visits they encourage you to do a (minimum) three day pre-fast to prepare your body for the cellular level detox.

This constitutes of eating all fruits and vegetables, no alcohol, eliminating caffeine and drinking lots of water.
I have always followed my pre-fast instructions.
I did so mostly out of sheer enthusiasm for the experience of going and not wanting the fast to be any more difficult that necessary.

But come to think of it ...I have not really ever taken off for We Care on the heels of a complete meltdown...until THIS trip....

(a little foreshadowing , folks.. did you catch that???)

So - I won't bore you with the details of what caused the meltdown, but it was directly tied to the other sources of stress I've been experiencing over the last two years as it was , once again, linked to nightmarish commercial real estate deals that have proved to be "less than sound investments".

And although I know we are certainly not alone in this type of situation- as the entire world seems to be dealing with their own versions of financial difficulties- it is still very stressful and I can sometimes feel like we are the only ones dealing with the craziness!
 NORMALLY - I handle it with a grain of salt...but some days are worse than others and I find that  I just have to put that grain of salt around the rim of a margarita.

What can I tell you...???

I also had my 42nd birthday the day before I left for We Care...which I choose (due to fatigue and lack of desire) not to celebrate at all.

I had lots of fun offers to go to dinner and or otherwise celebrate, but I was so damn tired that I just felt more like sitting on the couch and watching a movie and doing nothing.
Instead of a birthday part I opted for a pity party.

I mean, really??? What a loser move that was...
Since I am now in my 40's and this is when people typically start lying about their age I should have realized  that I'm only going to turn 42 two or three more times in this lifetime - I should celebrate them all.

The next morning my flight left for Palm Springs at 6:00 am - so up at 3:00 am to pack and shower.
God forbid I do either of those things ahead of time....???

I drug my totally toxic, non- pre-fasted body on the plane and promptly bought one of those full size canisters of chips they sell on airlines now.

(side note: what the hell is that about??? When they used to give you free stuff, it was four peanuts in a tiny for three dollars you can buy a Sam's Club size can of potato chips or a cookie that is large enough to use as a tray table)

I washed those salty little food hugs down with a diet coke and felt my travel cankles immediately taking shape as the sodium joined forces with the cabin pressure.

Wow - I really needed to get there and start my detox before I skin split open.

Upon landing in Palm Springs I took the deepest breath you could imagine and felt the instant lift of stress the minute the sunshine hit my face!!!

This is the way I always feel the minute I get off the plane in Palm Springs (the airport is "open air", btw) and it always greets you with the wonderful smell of the dessert and mountain air - heaven!

It also has become synonymous to my senses as the sights and smells that accompany my imminent cleansing and the healthiest seven days I spend all year. It is all I can do to be patient enough to get my bags and get there to start the process!

Ahhh...We Care - my sanctuary, my sacred place of healing, my ticket to health and wellness, my...
wait a come I am in Palm Springs ,smelling the air...seeing the mountains...and...WANTING TO GO HAVE A COCKTAIL????

OMG - it's noon- on a Sunday, I'm on my way to cleanse...I DID NOT pre-fast- AT ALL... and am literally jonesing to go sit on a patio somewhere and have a very civilized meal and a big fat drink!

Well,  I shook it off, because it was such a ludicrous thought.

I am here and got up at the obscene hour of 3:00 am so I could rush to We Care and begin my cleanse and not miss a day - besides - I have a massage scheduled at 2:00... to kick off the relaxation process and that will be heaven...and THAT will be much better than having another meal and a cocktail...
I could not wait for that massage!!!

I drove the 20 or so minutes to We Care, down the meth lab rode, greeted all my friends that work there, got my bag of potions and vitamins and my schedule for the week and had just enough time to drop my bags before I went straight to my massage.

I didn't even have time to slam down my first "detox drink"... which really sets all the wheels in motion.

I can only imagine that massaging my bloated body felt like trying to massage a water balloon...if said water balloon had dry skin.

But man..did it help! I was feeling better already! AND I had a "Korean Body Splash" scheduled that night at hopefully rectify the whole lizard skin issue.

I had three hours to kill in between services...what to do with my time, I asked myself.

Should I go jump on the mini-tramp to start my lymphatic system working? should I go meditate? Walk the labyrinth? sit quietly and read? soak in the hot tub?
These were all lovely options.

Guess which one I choose????

None of the above.

I choose to get out of my Terry cloth robe...put my "street clothes" back on, get in my rental car, drive back down the meth lab road, BACK into Palm Springs, and straight to the Parker Hotel...where I promptly sat down - BY MYSELF - and ordered...wait for it...

a mother scratchin' CHEESEBURGER with TRUFFLE FRIES (with an extra side of ranch dressing for dipping the fries - duh.) guessed it...a big fat Cranberry and Vodka!!!! a big fat Vodka Cran that was so good that when I finished it... I had a another!!!

OMG- I was on the LAMB from We Care!!!!

I was sitting on the patio of the Parker Hotel -with my hair FULL of massage oil -  ALONE - drinking and waiting on a big huge cheeseburger...with truffle fries.

This really did BEG the question..."Are you shitting me???"

I was checked IN to We Care and had a massage and then LEFT We Care to go be a big cow. A big cow with greasy hair ... and no big cow friends.


That's really all any self respecting cow has to say in times such like these.


and let me go ahead and clear this up case the suspense is killing was the single best cheeseburger, fries and drink I have ever had in my life!!!!!

I mean - it was just what the doctor ordered... If the doctor was Dr Kevorkian.

I think I just wanted to sit somewhere, quietly and peacefully, acknowledge my birthday and be alone for thirty minutes so I could just "be"...
"be" a big fat cow... with a bar tab.

But it definitely scratched my itch.

I think I would have longed for that hour and those 900 (or 1900 ) calories all week long if I hadn't gone.
Although it was completely unlike me... I didn't even care!

It was literally the first time in my adult life that I have ever had a drink by myself. I could rationalize that I wasn't really by myself because at this point I was bloated into what could  at least be considered two and a half of me.

Moo twice.
I was now a small , self contained herd.

I was so completely and utterly satisfied with my glutenous indulgence that I really didn't even feel any guilty.

That was until a couple of things happened...

There were two very nice women sitting at the table next to me and they were eyeing my truffle fries.
(back off bitches...I will cut you if you make one move towards my food)
oh no - I was clearly an angry cow.

They asked if the fries were as delicious as they looked and I answered - with a huge mouthful of burgers and fries..." Oh, mm hmm, Hell ya they are".
They then began asking me what I was doing in Palm Springs.

ahhhh - the million dollar question...
With another mouthful of burger I answered.." I'm here doing my annual health cleanse".

They laughed, thinking I had made a great joke -and obviously thinking I was kidding - so after washing down my mouthful of burger with a swig of vodka cran - I said "No, I'm actually not kidding"... and then proceeded to tell them the story that I had fled the premises after checking in and would be returning as soon as I was finished eating my HUGE meal and having my drink...or drinks rather.

I thought they were going to fall off their chairs laughing. Turns out that their friend at the hotel with them was checking in to We Care the next day!!

They wanted to know all about it - about how healthy it was and how great it made me I said to them what any self respecting "health nut" would ...I said...

"I'll tell you all about it if I can bum a ciggy".

Sware...I told them all about We Care while I smoked one of their cigarettes!!!!!

A SMOKEY TREAT!!!! I had officially gone over the edge.

OMG - what was next??? some meth from the meth lab at the end of meth lab road??? (btw- there isn't really a meth lab on the We Care road, but there is a very sketchy looking trailor...just sayin')

Anyway...they were a hoot!! We shared some soul cleansing deep laughs - all at my expense, of course, and I couldn't have been happier!
I was satisfied -and simultaneously disgusted, but REALLY happy about giving in to all my indulgences... I guess sometimes you just have to let loose and let your inner cow graze a little.

With my slicked back massage oil  hair, full belly and fading little buzz I drove back to We Care - just in time to go to my Korean Body Splash!

So - what was the second embarrassing moment?? Not so embarrassing as it was funny -
I greeted my therapist for my treatment and immediately confessed where I had been and what I had done - and she laughed out loud and then said...

"First of all- that is soooo not like you and secondly - thank God you told me ...because I was really going to be worried since I knew you checked in earlier and you kind of smell like vodka"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I relaxed during my treatment and felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders ...crawled in to my bed and slept like a rock that night.
I woke up the next day and HIT IT HARD - Detoxing, exercising , meditating and was "by the book" for the next six and a half was pure bliss.

It really did save my life...with every passing day I felt like a new person!

I EVEN did my Tracy Meta workout a couple of times -not the cardio, as they discourage strenuous cardio exercise while fasting...of course... they also discourage cheeseburgers, cocktails and cigarettes!!!!

I guess the moral of the story is this...

sometimes you just have to be a cow.

But never try to hide it - or they'll think you're a cow with a drinking problem.


I hope everyone can relate with my stumbling blocks and remember to forgive yourself when you need to take a break...enjoy it, don't feel about it guilty...and then stop being a cow.

I do believe that Tracy could even whip a cow into shape!!!

So - this cow (I'm not really a cow- I'm just sticking with the theme for theatrical purposes) is getting up tomorrow and working out the last few days and happy to be in a better place!!!!

I'm doing Meta Glut and let me tell you - I have been SORE all over again- it never does get any easier when you take too much time off.. but I know it will get better soon...
until then...
I'll keep trying!

Next I'll fill you all in on my life changing trip to South Africa and by that time I think I'll be ready to unveil my new plan of attack on finalizing the Thass reversal!!!! I will hopefully have devised my plan by then!!

This mad cow is gonna finish what she started!!!!

I would love to hear more from anyone who is doing Meta and how they are liking it and what kind of results they are achieving - and I'll pass it on to all our friends out there reading!

xoxo La

PS- a Special thank you to Rick and Stephanie for sending me to We Care this last go round - I was there to with their very talented daughter, Alexa (who is an AMAZING singer and is making a great album right now- more about her soon!) and we both loved it! It really did come at a time when I needed it and I appreciated you sending us both!
My inner cow AND my colon both say thank you!!!!


  1. Great story--makes me want to have a nice big cheeseburger right now!

  2. I freaking love you girly! You rock! Thank you so much for keeping it real . . . we all gotta give in from time to time!

  3. I was reading this and lauging out loud!!!!! You crack me up. Best blog I have ever read. I will definantly continue to read this from now on. Loved it and you.

  4. I love that you are back. And I agree with Christine; thanks for keeping it real.

  5. Laura, you are too funny. I can so relate. I used to live in an ashram and I too would go on the lamb. I'd literally sneak out, bare-footed after evening meditation, cut through a local casio to get to this amazing ice cream shop and indulge myself in hot fudge sundaes with all the toppings. Good times!
    Am 52 days into meta, Abcentric and love it. You are gonna love your butt after this workout, promise.

  6. You are a girl after my own heart! I tried to comment recently and I don't think it went through, but everytime I see your name at the top of your blog I do a double take. My sister's name is Laura Stroud (Stroud is my maiden name) and its just bizarre to see her (your) name in my blog feed. Hee! I am only on day 5 of Abcentric but really enjoying hurting in all new places.

  7. So happy to see that you are back. I have been checking your blog on a regular basis and I was wondering what had happened to you.

    Thanks for posting again, I did miss you!

    Looking forward to reading about your adventures in the realm of the TAM (with french fries on the side, please) :))

  8. Hi Laura-you seriously crack me up! I even copy & pasted a couple of your comments "I think the difference between 5, 10, 15, 20 and 20+ extra pounds is usually the difference between
    "Hot", "Pretty", "Cute", "Sweet" and "She has a great personality and is an excellent dancer" for motivation as I am going to start TA 30 Day Method SOON!
    But its 2013 & I see you haven't posted since 2011-where are you? Hope all is well with you and that you check back in!