Friday, October 29, 2010

DAY TWENTY SIX... FIrst day of the cleanse...

Man- you guys are AMAZING!!! I am serious, the comments you all take the time to leave me are absolutely so inspiring to me - you have no idea. Thank you again, and to all of you who have ever said that I have inspired you to give it your best and do something great for yourself...I am humbled that anything I might have said resonated with you. That really makes me feel warm down in  ma' cockles!
and who doesn't like warm cockles???

So the obvious question for today was my first day of the cleanse???? and my response is this...

ummmm, ok...where's the hidden camera?

there's got to be a hidden camera... and this juice cleanse has to be a joke.

I am so grossly unsatisfied with the "sweet, savory, and soup" options that it is hard for me to put it words. Oh wait - I thought of some words -Yuck. Disgusting. Gag a Maggot.
Yea, looks like I can put it in words after all.

I love the apple sauce stuff..but past that it all goes downhill - fast.

Everything has the same effect on me...first few bites are tasty... all bites after that activate my gag reflex.
This is going to NOT be fun for five days.

I EVEN tried Kale juice again - primarily due to the fact that after looking at the recipe more carefully I realized that in a moment of haste I somehow overlooked that you are supposed to put an apple or pear in it to help with the flavor!! I laughed at myself and thought I probably gave Kale juice an unfair rap. So I went after it again and this time with PEARS!!! I was very hopeful.
And you know what??? It wasn't nearly as first sip.
At first sip I thought - oh MUCH better! Then .... the most hateful, angry after taste came on like a tsunami in my mouth and gym sock juice WAS BACK IN THE HOUSE.
MY lord, sweet baby Jesus. Who drinks that nasty ass concoction???

I know some of you like it - and I'm happy for all of you ...and your non-functioning taste buds.
But I am officially OFF the Kale juice. It's not happening. Nope, Nada, No Way, Fu-gett-a-bouwd-it.

Moving on...

So... the last four days are going to be a big NF (no fun) - I'll have to choke down the drinks - because I know better than to try and skip meals. That would work for about one day and then I would crash if I tried to continue working out - AND WE ALL KNOW I'm gonna continue working out! Too close to the finish line to stop now!!!!!

Speaking of - today was interesting - the muscle work was HELL - I mean - "babies head crowning out of the va-jay-jay" HELL - again...then the cardio - well, oddly enough - it was a breeze.
Go  figure.

Again with the pattern - that happened twice before - once within each ten day cycle.

Oh, and did I mention that Im sitting here blogging my size 26 jeans???
Check me out, BITCHES!!!!!!! (hahaah! I mean that in a loving way - not in the way that's getting  Joy Beyhar in trouble) I'm kind of excited about my little jeans! They aren't even as tight!!

I have talked to at least 6 people in Nashville that are starting up the Boot Camp!!! And SO many of you that have been reading are reporting that you are going to give it a go!!!
I'm so proud of you all!!!

I thought about that a lot yesterday and thought I would offer up a few helpful (hopefully helpful)hints!
Mainly focused on time management and the struggles we all face with time and our daily requirements... because this program is a serious time sucker.

Now- like I've said before- I do not have babies in the house - so I realize that makes a huge difference.
But I do have a husband -which can be kind of like a young child at times...and I do work - A LOT.
But I also enjoy the luxury of being somewhat self employed... the good part being I can go to the office when I want -or not at all...the bad part being - I never seem to be done working!!
When you work in the Music Business AND Real're on call 24 /7.

So - my tips are being offered knowing that everyone's time restraints and responsibilities are different - but what I think we all tend to share , as women - (sorry male readers - but  you knowing what I'm about to say could make you look like a genius in front of women - so you may want to take notes) ...WE ALL TEND TO TAKE CARE OF EVERYONE ELSE's NEEDS BEFORE OUR OWN.

We tend to be nurturing by nature- and that's a good thing. But we fall in a funny time period in the history of the world, if you ask me.
We are still old enough to remember a time when women primarily stayed home and cooked, cleaned, made and raised babies.
Now we live in a time when women are welcomed in the work force, have jobs, have careers, earn money, run companies...and in addition to that they usually cook, clean, make and raise babies.
Now- don't get me wrong, I am thrilled for the options and thrilled for both career women AND homemakers.

But have you ever noticed how many women apologize for whatever path they have taken???
As if they are damned if they do, damned if they don't. 

Here's the scene: dinner party - standing in small group - everyone introducing themselves...the inevitable question is asked ..."What do you do?" I rarely , if ever, hear a woman who is a homemaker answer without saying it like this... " Oh, I'm just a stay at home mom".

I'm always thinking - "JUST a stay at home mom???" That's the hardest gig on the planet.
 No raises, no promotions, no days off, no accolades - I'm telling you- I am involved in two different jobs and I ALMOST NEVER have any of my clients SHIT THEIR PANTS and ask me to help them do something about it. almost never...

 Now, on the other hand...working mothers always seem to apologize (even if only in tone) when asked this question "Well, who looks after your children?"...
So - you get my point - it's tough no matter how you slice it.

I'm not saying men arent amazing parents, providers and helpful around the house.
I'm just saying that from where I'm standing - Work or no work, kids or no kids, women seem to have more responsibilities that are TIME CONSUMING.
Heck- it takes my husband about ten minutes - total - to get showered and dressed, he could care less about whether the bed is made or not (and seriously James - NOT ONE WORD about how many pillows are on it - we've been through this too many times before) and he rarely cooks or does too many household things. He doesn't do too many household chores MAINLY because I ENJOY doing them - not because he isn't willing -( he is- and he does) - but I like to do those things, I like to keep the house nice and cook for him- it brings me joy. It makes me happy to nuture him and others.

Plus - I learned the hard way that when I ask James to do something I have also figuratively signed a non-verbal contract stating that I will be happy with the way he does the task I asked him to do.
Uh...for those of you that haven't met me in person - I've got two words to describe myself....
So, rather than ask James to do something and then me "re-do" it, implying that he did something wrong, when in fact it is just that I am a complete freak who wants things like I want them (thanks for that trait, mom!!!!) I would rather do them myself.
Maybe men are just geniuses - maybe there is a secret code among men that spreads the word...
"Pssst - hey man, take a tip - first time your wife asks you to make the bed - make it like you are a five year old with two broken arms  and she'll never ask you to make it again."
It works.

Okay,  having said all that -  What is it we all have in common? Besides being control freaks...????
Well, It is VERY hard for me - and most women I know- to do one simple thing and that is...ask for help.

We bring it on ourselves - or at least I do anyway, and that is no one's fault but my own.

But the number one most helpful thing I did before starting boot camp and the thirty day journey to reverse the Thass was ...ask for help. From James, from all of you, from my friends and family. I asked for their help.

I sat James down and explained to him what I was thinking of doing and that if I did it I would (gulp) really need his help. I would need him to support me fully (which he always does) and understand that I might not want to travel, might be tired or -imagine this- a little bitchy, I might need him to fix some of his own dinners or run to the store for me if I was out of Kale (I just gagged) -whatever might come up - I would need his help and his support for the next thirty days , because I would be taking this seriously and I would need him to do the same.

He listened, and as always - was completely in and was totally game for supporting me!
He has gone to the store several times when I was working out to grab me something I needed, he knows not to call me while I'm working out. He takes the dog out more, etc and overall has been really excited and supportive and I could not have done it without him! He's even made the bed a few times.
We have a brand new grand daughter names Ceclia- she is 8 months looked like maybe she had made it.
One morning he actually yelled out "Don't FIX IT!" - so I didn't.  That was as hard as the workout. But it was precious. I appreciated the effort and I choose to see the unruly "made bed" as a big pile of love and support.

The more I've thought about my friends that have children - the more I thought - if you can get them involved, let them share in the journey with you - then it is a great opportunity for all of you!

Explain to them that you are going to do something that you are a little nervous about and you need their help! Then thank them everyday for the help they give you! Remind them you couldn't do it without them. Maybe even have a special treat, or surprise waiting for them at the end of thirty days to make it worth their while to keep you going!

But - I think the key is to explain it to your family and friends AHEAD of time so they can process and prepare themselves for the changes in your schedule and what you will be needing form them during the month.
You probably thought about it for a while before jumping in - give them a chance to do the same.

What will you need from them??? Be specific if you can -Is it time alone? actual help? watching a younger sibling? help in the kitchen? making a playlist? getting themselves dressed in the mornings?
whatever it is - explain it to them and get them on board so everyone can cheer you on.

There is something really wonderful in giving your family a chance to GIVE TO YOU, care for you and HELP YOU. They may want to more than you know, but us gals may not give them a chance to very often.
And what a wonderful message to send your kids - "hey, I'm worth my own time and effort. Look what I can accomplish!! Watch my give myself my word and then keep it to myself. "
Stand back you little gremlins - Mommy's kicking some ass in here!!!!!

So...get the family involved.

Get friends involved-
Maybe you have a neighbor, mother or friend that likes to cook (thanks mom for making my breakfast on day two when I was panicking and trying to get to work!)
- see if they want to earn a little extra money for three weeks helping you cook?
Maybe you have a friend that wants to do the plan and you can share cooking meals for each other??

Even co-workers can be helpful - there are days my eyes were rolling in the back of my head from fatigue- if you have a friend at work - tell them about your plan so you can call a last minute audible if you hit a wall at work and need some extra brain power!

And lastly - basic time management of your day will be key.
We all say "we don't have time" and I'm not gonna kid you - this is a MAJOR time committment - but I am here to tell you - IT IS WORTH EVERY MINUTE OF IT - and on day 26 I can honestly tell you it has flown by...

I sometimes I have to "budget" my time like I do money. Wait - bad example - I never budget money, I am a nightare about that - so let's just go back to budgeting time.
I realized , when I was HONEST about it - there are ways to squeeze an extra hour, or two out of my schedule on any given day. It might mean giving up some sleep, tv, email time,  phone time with a friend, or just letting some things go a little during your thirty days - but it can be done!!!

I feel like I have become more efficient in my work day hours as a result of doing this program.

Especially since blogging at night has added to my time problem. But like I said -it's all been worth it! It has flown by and I am on day 26...and in size 26 jeans.
If you'de of asked me 26 days ago if I would have been typing THAT sentence, I would have thought about it over an snack and a cocktail and said - "ha! yah, right."
But that was before I silenced the fat girl in me. R.I.P , Tubby.

So, I guess it is all about what you are willing to sacrifice for thirty days to gain a whole new body.
and I promise you I am getting a whole new body -in thirty days. I still can't believe it!! I've got a long way to go, but I cannot get over how radical the changes are and how fast they have come about.

I know I'm starting to sound like an infomercial but it really does work!!! and by work - I mean WORK!
But it really is hard!!! and by hard I mean, the hardest thing I've ever done.

and it really does take a lot of time!!!! and by time I mean it is taking me sometimes three hours a day to get the workouts in. But I'm making it work.

but you know what DOESN'T take a lot of time now?
Getting dressed!!!!! I don't have to try on ten things to see if I can find that perfect garment that fits, covers my ass and doesn't make me feel like a summer sausage.
Which is a horrible process and can put me in a seriously shite mood.

Well, it's somehow 11:30 pm and me and my time management are going to hit the hay soon so I can get up and do it all again!!!!
Four more days!!??? can you believe it?

WEIGHT: still at 128 - it will be interesting to see if that changes with all this vile liquid cleanse stuff.
ENERGY: good. Haven't felt any dip due to cleanse - but I guess we will see tomorrow!

My knees have been bothering my a tiny bit the last couple of days, but I told them to stop whining since they were hauling around so much less ass. They should be grateful.
MUSCLES: they are popping up everywhere!!! he he. makes me happy! I feel strong and fit - not just skinny - but fit. That's awesome.

And finishing out the day's thoughts... if you do sit your family down, ask for their help, explain how important this is for you ...and they are selfish and do not support you at all or help you in anyway.

Well then screw them! You are entitled to a life too! I would do the program anyway and then put on your size 26 jeans and tell them to kiss your new hot little ass - cause you're are OUTTA THERE. Ungrateful ingrates.
It would be a good time to learn that about your children, because you can probably still teach them otherwise...a man, not so much. Log on to "I'" and then follow the directions on the home page under - "get a new man".

Just sayin..


4 DAYS TO GO... (of chocking down juices)

but, all BY THE BOOK...


PS- ALL my videos of Tracy's got here today so I will be all ready to try other cardio and mat workout DVD's when I'm done in a few days and keep up the good work! 


  1. I always start my day reading your blog before I go downstairs and do my workouts. I'm only on day 4 but reading your blog really inspired me to kick my own thass and do it by the book! So far, so good. Thanks for being such an inspiration. I wish I could return the favor by magically making you like kale. I have a whole garden full of it in my back yard I love it so much (that probably just made you gag, sorry)

    Keep on keepin' on you sassy size 26!

  2. hey Laura,

    you are rockin! I'm so super proud of you!
    listen, my suggestion with the kale juice (as it wasn't all that great for me either, but you REALLY hate it) just gulp it down (maybe just a 2oz shot) and chase it with LOTS of water don't forget you can have coconut water!

    so try that too. Also, so what if you add more apple/pear to the kale juice? It's just fruit!

    thanks for keeping me laughing! Can't wait to see final results!!

  3. Such great advice!! I know we all really appreciate it! The end is near. Great job!

  4. The light is at the end of the tunnel!!!! Will you post pics to let us see how far you come?

  5. Heck yah! I'll post pics on Tuesday or Wednesday!!!
    when I'm done!

    Thanks for the great Kale suggestions - and you're right- just slam it down!

  6. I had fallen off the TAM wagon for the last month, (having done it on and off for a couple of months) but reading your blog has genuinely inspired me to re-commit, and find the time to give myself the body and energy that I want! thanks so much! And congratulations on your almost ending quest!!