Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Tattoos, Bumper Stickers and Cookies....

Good evening everyone!

 I am having some kind of weird allergic reaction to something in the air and I had to take a Benadryll ...it said "my cause drowsiness".
Well, for what ever reason - anything that says "may cause drowsiness" causes me to basically become a narcoleptic.
Narcoleptic is the one where you fall asleep without warning, isn't it???
I would hate to confuse it with the other "N" one that means you have sex with dead people. Necrophiliac or something right...?
I called the re-bounder a reformer the other day in my blog (thank you precious Shanti for drawing it to my attention!) anyway - confusing the one that makes you fall asleep with the one that makes you sleep with the dead...that would be worse.

And as long as we are on this disgusting subject... Who the hell would want to have sex with a dead person in the first place?????
I mean, I have had a real yawner before ...but he had a pulse.
I think...it was hard to tell.

Hey - what in the wide, wide, world of sports is going on here??? How did we get on the subject of having sex with dead people??? and so early in the post???
Do you like how I said "we" - how did "we" get on the subject??? Don't worry - I'm not trying to pin this on any of you...I must be referring to all my personalities!!! They are all outspoken, it seems.

No wonder my husband loves that I'm blogging...it gives "all of the me's" someone to talk to ...he can hardly take listening to all of them chitty chat his face off every night!!!

When people tell him "you're wife is sooo funny"...his typical response is "Yah, try living with it."

I choose to think he's kidding.... oh dear. I hope he's kidding.
Oh well, too bad so sad. The state of Tennessee says he has to deal with it. HA!

Neck-I'm-gonna-feel-your-rack ...or whatever it's called, sleeping with the dead...well, that's just gross. some things in life you just can't make up.

Speaking of - I saw something the other day that made me laugh out loud...and I could never make something like this up...

It was a guy driving a Jeep in Nashville - but it wasn't just ANY Jeep - it was a JACKED UP Jeep - with every redneck bell and whistle. He was wearing a beater t-shirt (shocker) and had the doors off the jacked up Jeep - even though it was freezing outside - but here's the best part...
The bumper stickers on the Jeep.

This particular gentleman had three that caught my eye before the light changed and he went on about his hillbilly way...and they were as follows...
1. Hooters
2. Trojan condoms
and my personal favorite...
3. "If it wasn't meant to be eaten, then it wouldn't be shaped like a taco"

SWARE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHHH!!!!
I laughed for ten minutes.
All I could think about is that I would bet my own car that this guy hasn't even SEEN a naked woman since Reagan was in office.
...and that time it was probably on cable television.
I'm guessing his eight track stereo was pumping out a tune from Loverboy - circa early eighties.

Bless him.
If you, Mr."My peenie is the size of a Vienna Sausage" Jeep driver, happen to be reading...well, I'm sorry. I'm sure you are a lovely person and I don't mean to hurt your feelings..but someone should tell you that maybe your approach to attract women is a little off.

By now- he may have added a new one..something along the lines of "remember my name, you'll be screaming it later" or "I may be an old dog, but I can still hide a bone" ..

After I stopped laughing I got to thinking...what is it about bumper stickers??? Have you ever noticed that most bumper sticker people can't stop at just one???  They usually tend to cover every last little spot on the back of their car. I find that fascinating!!!

It's like they usually start out with something small and tasteful... like a "save the whales" or " I love my (insert picture of a Schnauzer)" or...maybe something from their children's school.
But I've come to see those as "gateway" stickers... they are merely the first of many to come.

Soon they will make a political statement, or some kind of comment about global warming (I like when those are on the back of big SUV's) - next thing you know they re sticking on random radio stations they do not even listen to because they're chasing the high...eventually they will have to go cold turkey when the run out of room...or get a new car and start all over again.

After the bumper sticker chain of thought... my brain connected the dots to the same theory applying to tattoos. Rarely does anyone have just one.
IT starts  with a little heart or star or rose.. and next thing you know - there is tribal art, barbed wire and the inevitable mistake of ...the current partner's name. The later usually becomes something else after a series or painful laser treatments and a mutant hybrid idea from your tattoo artist.
A perfect example... Johnny Depp changing his "Winona Forever" to "Wino Forever".

Our son, David has the greatest tat I've ever seen in my life... after asking what everyone thought about him getting a tattoo and most people responding that they thought it was a mistake to get one - he simply had the word "MISTAKE" tattooed on his foot!!!!
Hysterical! I love that child!

I also want to go on record that I have nothing against tattoos OR bumper stickers ....they are simply not MY thing... and as I always say... "every ass has it's seat"!

Lastly - I have decided to put cookies in the category of not being able to stop at just one!!!!
AND NOW WE ARE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT APPLIES TO ME!!!!!
Cookies... my arch enemy.
 They are a close relative of the Brownie... and they are gateway foods for me - I start with what will be "just one" and next thing you know - the box is gone, the plate empty,  all that is left are the tell tale crumb signs of snacks that once lived outside my  Thass.

Why is that? I have NEVER had a problem of going back for additional servings of broccoli because It's JUST SO DARN GOOD!
Yesterday, for what could have been the first time in my life...I ate only ONE cookie.
It was the star cookie with icing. It had friends. I wanted them to join the party in my stomach and then when last call came - they would have finally gone to the after party that goes on FOREVER...it takes place on my thighs.

But this time... I took into consideration that I had over indulged all weekend and skipping them all together would have been the better choice...having only one was a close runner up.
I choose to only have one.

Next time - or today rather - I choose NO cookies (yeah!) because I knew that what seemed innocent could turn ugly in a second.
Like too many bumper stickers... too many cookies can become "the junk on your trunk".
Just sayin...

Maybe I will put a sticker across the back of my OWN trunk (aka :Thass) that reads:
"If I don't start, then I don't have a problem"

or better yet... I might put it across my mouth!!!!

Hang in there everyone...
I know I rambled on about nothing today!!! Blame it on the Benadryll!!!
Hey! I just googled "funny bumper stickers" to see if I could find a photo to download...and I saw one that made me laugh out loud....



                          I guess, in my infinite immaturity - everything today is going to be gross!!!!!
                                    Oh well, we can't be serious ALL the time...can we? 



TODAYS WEIGHT, FOOD and WORKOUT SUMMARY:

Weight down ONE "recovery" pound to 127.
I'm guessing same will happen tomorrow....? another pound?? it may hold on longer this time due to extended snacking days..?

If anything, I under ate today.
Not by much, but it was a hectic day and I was on the run all day long!

WORKOUT: I skipped my typical a.m. workout due to early meeting time and needing to be at the office, and went to a Zumba dance class with a friend. I love the class...but I think I still love TAM dance better! Not because it's more fun- because I do not think that it is...but because I think it is so purposeful- I can tell it's getting it's job done.
I did dance as hard as I could at Zumba for 60 mins though!
Tomorrow - PDS 2 and 60 mins dance cardio for me in my hot little area -I'm looking forward to it!
. I took the day off from Mat work today. I am finding that if I take one day off during the week (Tuesday or Wednesday) it helps for me not to be too tired on Thursday or Friday - so I can still workout and actually GO to work. :)

WATER - 2 or 2.5 containers worth...probably  about 60 ozs.

BREAKFAST:
Kefir again...trying to keep those pro biotics going down the tubes to chase away the weekend...if you catch my drift.

LUNCH: BC soup - ginger, sweet potato and carrot - or something like that - small portion - didn't finish it due to my next meeting showing up early.

SNACK: Blueberry applesauce (BC recipe)

DINNER: Grilled chicken over broccoli with small dollop of sour cream

EXTRAS: about 10 almonds (organic, unsalted), about 15 organic semi-sweet chocolate chips and half a tablespoon of almond butter (if that much - a tiny bit)

I wasn't hungry at all today - MIRACLE - could be that I also drank TWO extra cups of coffee- which is not a good thing because I don't drink enough water when that happens and I think that has a lot to do with the amount of cellulite.

Hmmmmmm.....maybe that will be my next challenge!!!!! to try no caffeine and a couple of other techniques - like Synergy machine or my Well Box (things that suck on your skin and promise to remove cellulite) and some potions to see if we can get all the cellulite off the back of my arse.

That could be fun...talk about some terrifying before and after shots.

OR.... you guys are welcome to suggest ideas for my next 30 day challenge and we could all pick one...?
I must really trust you guys!
Hey, I'll be your Huckleberry.

"Weigh in" on the matter, won't ya????

Hangin tough - and staying under 130 for a year!!!!!
BRING IT.
xoxoLa

5 comments:

  1. Quick question, how many days a week are you working out post BC? I'm still trying to figure things out...(i.e. will sell a kidney to keep my new size 2's)!

    Oh, and ur blog always makes me smile, now if only I could mask my total procrastination at work so my boss doesn't keep catching me NOT working...details :)

    Thx,
    Marcia

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  2. Hi Laura,

    I LOVE your blog! you are so right on with this program, and I can totally identify with a lot of what you go through.

    For your next challenge, I think the upping the water and no coffee are great, it does REALLY help with cellulite.

    If you really want to go hard core, ZERO alcohol for a month... I've tried, never succeeded, (made it to 21 days during a cleanse and right when I finished went out and got wasted... on 2 glasses of wine! lol.)

    Cheers!
    Paola

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  3. One of my favorite lines...I'll be your huckleberry! Val Kilmer, yum, before he overindulged in too many yums! :) I'll do the caffeine challenge with you...I've done it before, was a witch for 3 weeks but felt better!

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  4. hey laura, can you tell me how the sweet potato is cooked, and what is in your salad? also what dressing do u use? thanks

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  5. I was wondering what caffeine has to do with cellulites? I've never really grasped that.

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