I bet that got your attention!
hahah! Well, after being M.I.A. for two weeks- TWO WEEKS ( sorry about that)...I am back to explain my absence and hopefully...get back in the groove.
After thinking about how to explain my mysterious departure and crawl out of my shame spiral and beg for forgiveness for disappearing without so much as a word - a friend of mine summed it up perfectly.
"Sometimes life gets overwhelming and it's ok if you have to take some time to get the sand out of your KY."
Well, after I stopped laughing at THAT visual - I thought - "well said, well said indeed."
And for the record - it is a metaphor.
If it were literal, at least I might be at the beach!
So...deep breath...let's get the diet facts out of the way and then we can really dish on the poo storm I've been in for the last two weeks.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT...still under 130! Hoovering around 127 -128.
Although it's a little more jiggly and less cut than before- but I have been making lame efforts to maintain some decent (and decent is being generous) eating habits and a decent effort (again- I'm being really generous here) toward working out.
and, btw - THANK the LORD I am under 130 without too much effort- because going over 130 might have thrown me over the edge!
so- what exactly is the sand in my KY?
Mostly life in general...but more recently it's been dealing with things that far exceed my maturity level.
Commercial Real Estate deals with multiple partners in each deal, multiple banks in each deal, multiple nightmares in each deal...blah, blah, blah.
They say when life gives you lemons, make lemon aide!
But life didn't give me lemons- it gave me horrible investment opportunities ...and it's hard to make a juice out of that.
Although.... if you did- I bet it would taste like TURNIP GREEN JUICE. Just sayin'...
I won't bore you with all the details - but it's been a very long and exhausting process of trying to understand them, pay them, deal with them and I'm OVER IT. This particular "sand" has been going on for a couple of years now. Ugh.
It's like I've been living in a John Grisham legal thriller staring Tom Cruise...and I'm Tom Cruise...and I'm running REALLY fast - you know like he does in pretty much EVERY film he's ever made - and I can't quite run fast enough to get to it all.
Oh...and then I discovered that we had a MOUSE in the house.
Ummmm.... I don't do rodents.
I wrote James a note that says "please make the little mouse go away in a manner that I might think he simply choose to move on to another home. This is one of the primary reasons I got married. So I wouldn't have to deal with pest control. Ever. Love, your chicken shit wife."
He laughed and agreed to "quietly escort him out of the house".
I much prefer life to be all about working out, feeling great, looking great, "having to buy new jeans because I've lost so much weight", family, friends, fun... oh, and working - I don't mind working - I actually really enjoy my gigs, as long as it doesn't take over my life completely - I enjoy the work I do!
I also- when given the choice - MUCH prefer - did I say MUCH PREFER - having cash on hand to buy things I really don't need, but somehow rationalize... rather than - giving it to banks to pay down commercial loans.
Hmmmm...a new Silk Kimono Robe and Fabulous Shoes...OR...send some random bank another HUGE check because it's due or because one of our partners can't make their payment....
Ummmmm...Sorry...I'm going for the robe!!!!!
Call me crazy.
However..I did say, WHEN given a choice. And for a long time now- we haven't really been given a choice.
Although I did buy that robe.
(It went on sale - I couldn't afford NOT to buy that robe...I mean - I WAS MAKING MONEY buying that robe since it was on sale...right? I mean - a girl has needs, right? ...and the robe IS smokin hot. Just sayin...)
Soooooooo....that's where I've been for the last two weeks...sitting in the corner, sucking my thumb, in a kick ass, obserdly expensive silk kimono robe...terrified that I would have a mouse sighting.
These are good times.
(did I mention the robe has gorgeous lace on the sleeves? please don't judge me- I needed a retail hug)
I have fluctuated between days of Helen Ready inspired "I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR" -
where I jumped out of bed and was ready to take on the world....
and days where I literally felt incapable of doing anything because of feeling so overwhelmed.
Seriously, one day I knew if the doorbell rang I KNEW it would be Publishers Clearing House and the very next day if it rang I KNEW it would be someone holding a sickle wearing a less than kick ass robe.
Then.... are you ready for the cherry on top of this shit sundae...drum roll please....
I wrapped up the last two weeks of stress with - well, what else...the stomach flu!!!!
SO PITIFUL!!!! at this point it's really getting funny... pathetic...but funny...
It all came to a head when one night I was sick at my stomach over stressing about all this non sense, AND sick at my stomach - literally- from the flu - and couldn't sleep. I was laying in bed with tears streaming down my cheeks on to my pillow from the stress/flu combo.
I was wondering if things will ever get better, easier, "back to normal" ...
...and it was at that exact moment when I hear the worlds loudest "THWAP"...
you guessed it...
the mouse trap going off.
ARE YOU SHITTING ME???????
It's three in the morning. I'm sick. I'm tired. I feel depressed.... I'm crying in my pillow and I was actually awake to hear the crushing blow coming from the kitchen. I felt it in my bones...geez....
I am fairly sure that my reaction was something along the lines of ...
"WTF? IS THIS REALLY MY LIFE RIGHT NOW?"...
Then I realized I was going to have to get up to vomit again...from the flu, not the mouse.
NOW....PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE LAUGHING RIGHT NOW! - because this is grade A pitiful stuff here and I hope and pray you are laughing hysterically at me and not feeling sorry for me - trust me - I took care of feeling sorry for myself - no need for you to do the same!!!
(sidenote: I insisted James try the "humane" traps that catch the little mouse alive and then you release them outside [side note to side note - James was not happy about this] anyway, the reason the humane traps are humane...is cause they don't work!!!!...that's why they are humane - just wanted you to know we tried to save his little vermon life first, sorry little mouse. RIP.)
So, there you have it - life, stomach flu and pest control.
How pitiful is this story????? seriously pathetic!!!!!
HOWEVER...I'm nothing if not terribly resilient!!!!
soooooo, I am feeling MUCH better - I seem to be all over the tummy bug thing and have had a few days of positive-attitude-driven productivity and the calvery is coming!
Who is the calvery, you ask...?
Good question - it's a guy that I now refer to (respectfully, of course) as The Bank Whisperer.
He's coming in to take this scritchy scratchy mess off our plates and deal with it for us!!!!
Why didn't we do that in the first place, you ask...?
another good question - well, have we all forgetten that I am a CONTROL FREAK and have been insisting that "I could take care of this" - " I got it" - "I'll deal with it"
but hey- guess what? "I DON'T GOT IT".
I don't even WANT to GOT IT anymore!!!!
That takes a lot to get me to say uncle, calf rope, mercy - to just say -someone please help me.
I know - we've talked about that before - why is it so damn hard for me- for so many of us - to ask for help????
I have no idea.
Is it because sometimes when I do ask, I get let down?
Is it because if I don't ask then I can continue to act like a martyr?
Is it because I think someone else won't be able to do it "like I can"?
I'm not sure - but I do know this-
I asked for help - I admitted defeat - I cried Uncle.
It's a new one for me - but I gotta tell you - I'm really excited about the help being on the way!!!!!
This could be the beginning of a whole new thing for me - handing it over...letting someone else try and make lemon aide out of turnip greens!
I may take to this like a duck to water.
I mean, it's not like James hasn't been trying to take it off my plate for a while now...I was just fighting him and saying I could handle it.
Oh, I handled it - I handled it right on back over to him!
ok- so that's what I've been doing! sound fun?
it has been...if you're idea of fun is a buttermilk enema.
But.... I did manage to stay under 130...workout a few times a week...and most importantly...I did not go on a three state killing spree.
So - I got that goin' for me!
I am very excited to report that I am going to get up in the morning and workout, and start my day off on the right foot and focus on ALL THINGS POSITIVE AND GREAT AND WONDERFUL...
and I'll let you know if that lasts past noon!!!
no- I'm kidding - it hasn't been ALL doom and gloom - but I know we've all gone through little spots where it FELT like it was ALL doomy and gloomy...so , like I said before -
I'll always be honest with what I'm dealing with - if for no other reason - that you won't feel like you're the only on who has to weather a few poo storms!
Ahhhhhhh - but I did miss you all!
I'm ready to try again to find a really great groove - I hope you all have been in one - if you have struggled to get back into it ...
I'm right there with you!
but it's never too late to jump on the train headed for Happy Town ... or Thasslessville -
that's where I'm headed (with any luck)...if you want to go with me!!!
Here we go...
All Aboard!!!!!! finally...
I missed talking to you guys!
I hope you're still out there and you'll have me back!
and thanks to everyone that sent sweet little "are you out there?, are you ok?, haven't heard from you in a while" notes - it's probably what kept me working out a little and not eating the house from stress!!!!
Thanks for missing me!
I'm going to go get in my robe now...