Tuesday, January 11, 2011

What the ...???? Where did I go?????

wow...where have I been?

Sorry everyone...
I'm not sure how the last six days evaporated on me...but they sure did.

actually - I know exactly how it happened.

Here's the breakdown....
last we talked I was ON IT!!!!...kind of...turned out I was really NOT on it!
unless you're talking about my period... because if that's the case...I WAS SOOOOO ON IT!

and as it can happen from time to time...I was such a big ole nightmare this go round.

See this girl...she's really sweet...and normal...and non-hormonal...last week, I was not this girl.

...last week I was THIS girl. The only thing missing were a few creepy flying monkeys.

I'm not sure how any of your hormones rearrange your personalities... but for me it usually takes the form of a fire breathing, edgy, "now's-not-the-time-to talk-about-this sensitive-issue-but-we're-damn-sure-gonna-talk-about-it-right-now" kind of wife.
Someone please shot me.

For the sake of the general public and certainly for the sake of my poor husband...just shoot me.

So the first night I was planning on blogging - I choose to basically pick a fight with my husband instead. We NEVER fight...and this wasn't really a fight as much as it was me being a little cottin' pickin' ninny mugger and wanting to "settle" some things that were bothering me.

You know the kind of things...the kind of things that cant wait until morning to be discussed even though they won't be bothering me the next morning when my hormones aren't RAGING through my mind and body anymore. Those kind of things.

Soooooo, he was sweet enough to listen as I ranted on and on about - oh, that's right...I can't even remember now - and I finally let him go to bed.
I, however, stayed up REALLY late and continued to feel sorry for myself for sooooooo many incredibly important reasons...oh wait...I can't remember what they are now either...they must have been REALLY life altering.

...or not.

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE that an otherwise NORMAL, RATIONAL, LOVING, HAPPY person...like myself, can turn into such a living nightmare...and then back again to normal....
well, I have no answer - if I did this would be the BLOG OF THE CENTURY!!!!

I have, however, come up with a possible solution...a new wave in home design..and it could change the course of all of our lives.

It is going to be a padded room with a pad lock and a small slit in the door to slide food and water through...it will be for me- and all women like me- to quarantine themselves during their hormonally induced craziness.

I will call it the Bedroom Isolation Time-of-the-month Caused by Hormones Quarters...

or B.I.T.C.H. Quarters - for short.

I think it will offer a HUGE return on your home investment and possibly reduce the divorce rate by half.

Seriously- I think I'm on to something here.

"Where's mommy?"
"She's in the bitch quarters...she'll be out on Monday"
"Oh, Okay. Hey Daddy, please don't let her out early this time."

Just slide me some Tracy Anderson Method DVD's, a few almonds, some lemon water and an US weekly...and I'll be fine in about 24 - 48 hours!!!!!

ok...so that's what happened to the first night... (side note: I stayed up so late feeling pissy about things I can no longer recall that I couldn't get out of bed the next day to workout. well done me.)

The second day I typed a long blog all about me being a nightmare and then couldn't upload it to the blog because of some technical issue with the server on Blogger.com...and as I was still in the "dangerous hormonal zone" - you can imagine how I took that little nugget.

Good news, bad news...
Good news...I didn't throw my computer in the fireplace.
Bad news...I didn't post a blog. Even worse news..I'm fairly confident I gave myself a food hug.
Both nights.

The next morning I was leaving for a fun two day trip with some friends...
AND... since I was in a complete shame spiral over my lost days of pouting and EATING...I got up at 4:00AM so I could workout before I left town!!!


Until I got to my destination...then I was sooooooo NOT BACK ON IT!

I was, however, having a great time with my husband and my friends and enjoying the amazing hospitality of our host and hostess - who REALLY know how to roll out the red carpet for their guests.

We ate and drank and played and had a ball!!!!
Then I was back home in less than 48 hours...and exhausted!!!

That was Saturday.

I crashed and was all excited to rock it out on Sunday...cause I was ready to get ON IT!!! (where have I heard that before???)

so...Sunday morning I wake up and am all ready to hit it...except it had dumped snow!!!!! I mean really snowed!!!!
So, I basically did nothing.

If you're asking yourself what does the snow have to do with heating up the upstairs and me working out indoors...?
Well, duh...it has NOTHING to do with it - I just decided to be lazy and blame it on the snow.

Try and keep up, people.

My goodness, if being exhausted by listening to my own excuses burned calories - I would freakin' TINY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK....now...with Monday on the way... I made it to the store so I could get the right groceries and prepare to - wait for it - GET ON IT!!!!!

But this time...I was serious - and ready- and was not leaving town again - and (this one being the most important) I could really start to tell that I had been slacking for too long in the form of a little return of the Thass!!!
and that is unacceptable!!!!


I rocked out BC mat DVD 1 with 40 minutes of BC cardio. Ate well, guzzled water...felt better!!!!

Today... lather, rinse, repeat...I did the same routine and am feeling like Stella finally got her groove back!!!!!!!

So, did I have to cash in another coupon??? NO WAY, JOSE!

although I am still hovering around 128-129 ( i dropped to 127 really fast last week - but bounced up a little bit on my trip) and that's way too close for comfort...I am finally ON IT! and will keep it up and rock it out from this point on!

Sorry for the false "I'M ON IT" alarm last week...
and that's not why I fell off the face of the earth and didn't blog about it- it was do to the perfect storm of technical problems, hormonal problems, travel and weather conflicts...and me just losing a little time.

Whew...I can't imagine why any of you would care... but God love ya - some of you do!!! So many of you checked on me and asked where I had disappeared to...and if I was coming back.
That is so incredibly sweet of you all!!!!

Although I am continuing to have large doses of life coming at me pretty fast these days - I find that my sanity is maintained by making time for myself in the mornings and doing my workout.

I also think more clearly and feel better when I'm eating clean foods.

I found that the several weeks of holiday slacking- on working out and eating too many too rich foods- and I could finally feel it around my waste and on my Thass ...and for the first time since boot camp - my jeans were starting to feel tight!!! UGH!!!!

BUT...here's the great news... in just two days I feel better and am resetting my habits AND - they best part...my old "low weight" of 130...is now my new "high weight"...my new ceiling!!!!
How cool is that????????

All because of Tracy Anderson!!!!

So, now that the "re-entry" phase of the new year has past... I am finally ready to settle into it and find my routine and stick to it!!!

I also... I think just to punish myself...took more pictures to use as my new "before" photos - I will display those ugly little critters in about a month or two...so you guys can see my" backsliders blues / post holiday damage" photos compared to a month or two of recovery....

I'm talking I took NASTY photos...I took ones of the old man skin and of my CELLULITE!!!!
Did I really just admit this on the Internet?????

Well, that what I get for leaving you guys high and dry for a week!!!!

Now, I am back and focused on finishing what I started -
 I shall... in this order...and with complete discipline...

1. Recover from holiday indulgences and return to 124 safety zone...and maybe even a little less! 
2. Continue maintaining lower weight so I can say bye-bye to my old man skin and hopefully ...all traces of cellulite.

That's a seriously lofty goal!
But I'm going for it!!!!!

After seeing some of the above mentioned return to my body - I'm determined, more than ever - to get it off - all of it off...and keep it off!!!!

In all fairness - it was slow to return - I really had to over eat and under exercise for several weeks in a row before I saw any signs of it returning - so that's promising!!!!

I am now.... ON IT! SWARE!!!!

I'm going to leave you with a joke (aimed directly at myself....)

"What do you get when you cross a woman with PMS with a GPS????"

" A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!!!!!!!!!"


I'll get to answering questions tomorrow for all of you who are sending questions on your boot camp experience...now that I've begged for your forgiveness!!!!

Sweet dreams...and don't forget to tell yourself how beautiful you are, how much you appreciate all that you do for yourself, and that when you fall short...it's ok. It really is...tomorrow is a new day - and a new chance to be ON IT!!!!



  1. hahahah I'm dying :) this was truly a treat, I've had on it/off it moments all too much lately!! AHHHHH!!! hahah :) xo

  2. Thanks Laura-we are happy whenever you blog-don't let the pressure of doing it be another weight on your shoulders. We can all wait. Enjoy your new (skinny)life.

    Oh and have you read The Red Tent?

  3. Thanks for being you and being real w/ us!

  4. Yay! SO glad your back! I love what you say at the end.."dont forget to.." Please post more! I miss reading! You are amazingg!

  5. Glad you're back! Everyone needs a break now and then :) Tracy's workouts are HARD!! And food hugs? Eh. I prefer to think of them as recovery therapy (as long as they only happen once in a great while).... Besides, I'm sure you still look terrific! We're always harder on ourselves than anyone else could be. Thanks for motivating me to lose my thass ;)

  6. Laura! So glad you're back. I missed reading all your witty comments. You're such an inspiration! :)

  7. Thank goodness your back....i was getting serious withdrawal....literally checking back every 5 mins!

  8. Cotton pickin' ninny mugger? Hello ELF! Best...movie....ever! Anyway, Your weekend sounds identical to mine, travel, PMS out of this world, and gaining about 6 lbs in a week! Not good! Now, Back on It, it only took about 2 days to lose about 4 of those. I started bootcamp over, with the exception of diet. I just don't have the time or means to prepare that kind of menu. I have slacked off on all the naughties! Love the BITCH idea! I know my husband would agree! My female pastor at church said once that kids should be sent to an island when they become middle school age, I think the same of us "bitches"! An island is just what the bitch doctor ordered! PS How did you know I can't live without my US Weekly?

  9. OMG .... B.I.T.C.H. Quarters! That is hilarious and so true!!! I am the same way and most times I don't even know that it's pms until it's too late. My hubs and I always seem to have huge arguments before that time. And it's funny bc I do the same exact thing. Everything that was bothering me the whole month seems to just come out in one big spew! You are still doing so awesome! I'm on Day 4 of the 30 days and I'm struggling with the diet a bit. Not so much what I can't have, but more the lack of any carbs at all. My body is just exhausted!

  10. also.. you have inspired to continue telling my story:


  11. Yeah, girl! Keep em coming. I just started Insanity and thought you might enjoy a read here or there.

  12. PMS is a crazy thing and def true. That's funny too, b/c when I was reading your previous entries about how you felt and not knowing why I'm like, She's totally PMSing ... haha. Just like when everyone said Britney Spears was bi-polar and I said, that girl has major post-partum depression/stress. lol! NOT FAIR what women endure sometimes.