wow - I didn't really MEAN to be gone for...well, months I guess...

oopsie!

I'm not sure exactly what happened...actually ... I know EXACTLY what happened -

I had a complete meltdown over business matters, turned 42, had a horrible sinus infection, had another breakdown, went to a 7 day holistic juice fast spa (where you don't eat for 7 DAYS!),  felt like a new person, stopped melting down, went to South Africa and worked at an orphanage (that's a game changer, right there folks) and then went on a safari....
 got the same sinus infection again...and now I'm home...

...at least that is SOME of what I've been doing!!!

I will break it down and give you the finer details of some of the life changing events that have taken place for me - as well as - the always comical crap I somehow seem to get myself into...and there has been  a LOT of that!!!

I have worked out - A LITTLE BIT - with my meta TAM DVD - but must be honest with you all - I haven't done much... and I CAN TELL...

it's like I slowly tapered off - do to illnesses and schedules - at little at a time - and no mater how LITTLE I worked out - I still maintained ALL my results from Boot... until one day - I had a weird Nutty Professor moment - where I sware I popped back out like a piece of popcorn!!! Not all the way - not even close - but all of the sudden things were a but more wobbily and my butt and legs seemed a little more swamp ass than before ... you know  - just a little backsliding!

Now- I have STAYED UNDER 130!!! which is HUGE for me - but I have obviously compromised my muscle tone and that's no good!

OH- I'm lying a little - (not on purpose- I've just been gone for so long that I do not know where to start...do I beg for forgiveness first - or just get right down to catching everyone up and asking how they are doing????... decisions, decisions...)

I'll stick with stats first and then get to the graveling ...

SO - I did pop over 130 ONCE - DANG!!! and that was the day I got home from South Africa...
I am sorry to report that I ate a small portion of their lovely country and brought it home with me...on the back of my legs.

BUT- I got it back off immediately - and am back focused and ready to firm things back up and rock it out....

This year has been so full of surprises for me - and it's only April... yowza... more on those in the days to come..

for now - I wanted to write to you all and go ahead and see if anyone even cared if I came back or not!!! There were so many sweet messages from you all and I really appreciate it!



I have to be honest with you - the longer I went without writing - the more hesitant I was to write again ...for fear everyone would throw canned tomatoes and tell me  I suck for dropping off the face of the earth!!! Which - would be totally fair... and PLEASE don't think that I have such a high regard for myself that I think anyone's life was affected at all because they could not read my Blog - I PROMISE I wouldn't think that much of myself - but I do know that some of us felt like we were in this fight together - and then right about the time I told you I "got your back" I ditched you to get your ass kicked all by yourself!!!
I have all the faith in the world that everyone was able to carry on and rock out their TAM workouts and diets without me ... but I did miss telling you all about my struggles...and having a laugh with you all over them!

But... enough about that - if you missed me - THANKS and I'm SO SORRY I ran off...
if you didn't miss me - well, then - YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF - what if something had happened to me??? What if I had been hurt? or WORSE... what if I had GAINED WEIGHT???!!!!

My God - have you no heart???? What's wrong with you people????

 :)


ok... I think I'm going to be short and sweet today - and just break the ice and see if anyone's still out there... if you are - I'd love to start writing to you again - I have lots to say and have navigated some really tough waters lately and will gladly share all the nasty details with you!

I am also... (gulp) thinking about another round of BOOT!... I have some friends that are really wanting to do it and want my help and for me to do it with them... and I'm ACTUALLY thinking about it . I'll keep you posted...

In the mean time- I did Meta Glut this morning with the Meta cardio - both were more difficult than they should have been...but that's what happens when you let yourself backslide...


I'm going to get after it again tomorrow - and every day after that - until I recover from my travels and get rid of this vacation ass I'm toting around these days....
Fingers crossed it won't take long!

I really have missed you all and CANNOT believe how many people have been reading and checking in without me even posting any new blogs... WOW! thanks for that!

That could also be a very good indicator that I talk WAY too much...

but I'm going to choose to focus on the positive -
and that's me hoping if I start writing again - someone will still care!!!!!


It's good to be back - even if I'm talking to myself! Lord knows it wouldn't be the first time!!!

All my love and more details soon....

every day's a new starting point....

xoxo La

MY NEW METAMORPHOSIS DVD GOT HERE TODAY!!!!

oh-ho-ho-HO! Ohhhhhhhh!!!!!!

that's right ...it arrived today...my "Sweet Cheeks in a box" DVD package from the brand new Tracy Anderson Method clan...

and it couldn't have arrived at a more perfect time!

For those of you unfamiliar with her new plan...

it is a series of custom designed workouts for four different body types...
each focusing on a different type of problem area...
A. Abcentric
B. Glutcentric
C. Hipcentric
or
D. Omnicentric

in other words:

A. beer gut
B. swamp ass
C. saddle bags
or
D. all of the above!



It's genius!!!!

Cuts down on the time spent working areas that aren't eroding on our bodies as fast as others!!!

I cannot wait to check it out.
I haven't even read the plan to get the full scoop yet, as I have only had time to paper cut the fool out of my finger when I was ripping into the box.

So, with blood already in place on the DVD (symbolic, don't ya think?)
I will read the plan- then plan the work...then work the plan!!!!!! whew! you follow that?!

I  (shocker) bought the GLUTCENTRIC plan...

because it only took me reading her description once for me to know which one I needed...

Glutcentric..."We will lift your butt, tone down and back fat, create one panty line, get rid of cellulite, and create a clear distinction between your lifted butt and thighs."

OMG!!!!!! how perfect is that?????????

It's a THASSMASTER IN A BOX!

ohhhhhhhhh.....it's so on!

I mean, that's quite a promise - and if I hadn't seen Tracy keep her promises during my boot camp experience - well, then I would think she was crazy...

but she DID keep her word...could she do it again?

Can I do it again?

you know - interesting how close the following two words are...

HYPE
HOPE....

Most plans offer HYPE  - but Tracy backs her words up and that gives me HOPE!!!!!

I am totally serious when I tell you that I have HOPE - and that goes along way - HOPE that I can really have a booty I like!
I never have, and certainly thought I was only going to watch it slowly slide down my legs and get worse every year!

I thought that - as recently as last October 1st...THEN...I started my Tracy Anderson Method DVD and thirty days later I was amazed!!!
I didn't have anything close to a perfect body - but the amazement came in the form of HOPE - I couldn't believe how much I changed my body in such a short time and that gave me HOPE that I could do things that I thought I could never do...

So- Sweet Cheeks...look out!!!!
I've already got your nighty and your robe...

Now I'm going to try and get your onion ass!!!!! and if I do...I may just go after your job, too!

haahah - ok, I might be getting a little ahead of myself.

but - dare to dream...

I got the tools today in the mail to get this party started and I'm guessing that Monday will be my kickoff date...although it might be the following Monday depending on what I need to do to get ready for the Metamophosis!!!!

After all- I have 7 of my best friends coming in town next weekend...and there MIGHT be a little drinking going on...and by MIGHT I mean it in the way that Chicago MIGHT have gotten a little snow this week.
I'll report in on when I'm kicking off the BIG PLAN - journey to lose the THASS...part duex!

If anyone else has their plan and wants to start with me - let's do it!


I'm really excited to see what happens next....


come on Tracy...don't fail me now!


I HOPE everyone has had an amazing day - and that your weekend gets even better!

By nice to yourself and remember - you're prettier than you think.
Beautiful, in fact...

don't be afraid to be as beautiful as you are - inside and out - and if anyone finds that threatening, then just softly - and with a smile - tell them to...

"SUCK IT!
I'm a hottie who's gettin hotter all the time!!!!!!!
DEAL WITH IT. "


xoxo La

I have found the ultimate inspiration photo!!!

Is this for real....??????
I ask you????

Is it humanly possible for someone to have an ass THIS GOOD...????!!!!

I will be putting this woman's photo on my mirror so I can look at it when I workout...that way every time I get tired and want to quit my workout I might take a minute and DARE TO DREAM!

Here's the really funny...borderline cruel thing about it...
The little silk number she's wearing is the one that goes with the robe I bought!!!!!
SWARE!!!!


Hold on- give me a minute to stop laughing!!!!!!!!!

Holy Sweet Baby Jesus - that is NOT what it would look like if I were to put it on and stretch my arms over my head!!!!!

I am laughing so hard right now at the thought of what it might look like if I were in this photo!
It would NOT look like her..and since I don't know "her" name - let's just call her Sweet Cheeks.

Sweet Cheeks - You , my dear, have the ultimate onion ass! and -hey- way to make a living with it!

Well done, Sweet Cheeks, well done.

 I can PROMISE you all this...if I can get my hiney to look anything - ANYTHING - even close to hers - I too will walk around with my arms over my head in very short silk night gowns!!!

There would be one major difference between Sweet Cheeks and myself... I would NOT be looking straight ahead- I would be  looking over my shoulder so I wouldn't miss the look of complete and utter awe on the face of whoever happened to be behind me!!!

For the rest of the women in the world who, like me, might not look like ole' Sweet Cheeks in the photo above -
I have this to say...maybe she has a terribly unattractive face!!!!!... PLEASE someone tell me she has a terribly unattractive face!!!
HAHAH!

...or maybe chronic halitosis... is it wrong of me to wish her a dog face with dog breath??

ok, you're right...that's not very nice. I take it back.

What about a hammer toe?

HAAHAHA!

I'm sorry - I'm making myself laugh tonight.

I'm kidding - I'm sure she is gorgeous, smart, and kind and has lovely breath.

Bitch.

Maybe she's a hooker.

Hell, I'd pay to see that ass in person - so that one doesn't really make me any feel better about myself.
Because now I'm paying to see women's hineys.


 Well... I'm down to hoping it's excellent photo shop work!

OR.... MAYBE...she does Tracy Anderson Method!!!

Ok! now we are talking - a way we can all strive to get a trunk with NO junk!!!

I am going to actually look at this photo every day and do a few more leg lifts, a little more cardio and just see what would happen if I really tried a little harder....

Let's put Tracy to the test!!!

I think she is the only one that has come up with a way to at least GUIDE us toward looking more like Sweet Cheeks and ... and less like the Hounds of Thasskerville.

I posted this picture for several reasons...

First... because, well -WOW...nice ass.

Secondly...because I found it hysterical that she's wearing the nightie / robe set that I just bought!!!

But more importantly because I realized over the last few days that one of the reasons I have been struggling to get back in my workout groove is because I wasn't focusing on the REASONS I WANT to be back in my workout groove...

read:  I needed to focus and restate my GOALS.

When I was doing the Tracy Anderson 30 day method - I had a GOAL...it was to finish the thirty days.

Then I determined my NEW GOAL would be to stay under 130 for a year... which is going well -btw!
Still under 130.

HOWEVER... my motivation to workout on a regular basis has to be focused on more than weight... it has to be focused on health and RESULTS...

it has to be focused on what I'm really trying to achieve...

and I'm trying to achieve what SWEET CHEEKS has achieved...or what she was born with...and that is a nice little round tush that isn't sliding down the back of my thighs and frowning.

So- I am a re-born, focused girl!!!!


and I will - I WILL - focus on results - and not just weight - because although I have stayed under 130 - and am proud of that - the scale does not matter to me as much as RESULTS matter to me.

I would not look any better in that nightie right now if I had a Sharpie and wrote "weight = 128" on the back of my leg!!!

So - after a few weeks of craziness behind me..and truthfully - a few more in my near future - I am re-committing myself to my RESULTS, not my weight (well, weight too - but merely as a measurement, more than a single minded focus) and I'm going to remind myself everyday why I WANT to workout, WHY I'm working out and re-direct my thinking!!!!!!

If that doesn't work...
well, then I'm taking this photo to a few really good plastic surgeons!

I think it will work!

Ok people....

My trip to Bora Bora is in 6 months...

My goal - simply put- ...  is to have my friends call me Sweet Cheeks!



I hope you all are having wonderful days and are safe and warm - especially if you're in the parts of the world that are being effected by the winter storms!

and let's all say a prayer for peace in Cairo!


Thanks for letting me be my crazy, silly, nut job self!



Lastly - I have ordered my new Tracy Metamorphosis DVD!!! I can't wait for it to get here - I'll give you one guess which one I ordered!!!! You guessed it - the butt one!
We are sooooooooo gonna put that one to the challenge like we did boot camp!!!!

I can't wait!

Night night -
love you all...

xoxo La

AKA: the Sweet Cheeks starter kit.

"Sand in my KY..."

I bet that got your attention!

hahah! Well, after being M.I.A. for two weeks- TWO WEEKS ( sorry about that)...I am back to explain my absence and hopefully...get back in the groove.

After thinking about how to explain my mysterious departure and crawl out of my shame spiral and beg for forgiveness for disappearing without so much as a word - a friend of mine summed it up perfectly.

"Sometimes life gets overwhelming and it's ok if you have to take some time to get the sand out of your KY."

Well, after I stopped laughing at THAT visual - I thought - "well said, well said indeed."

And for the record - it is a metaphor.
If it were literal, at least I might be at the beach!


So...deep breath...let's get the diet facts out of the way and then we can really dish on the poo storm I've been in for the last two weeks.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT...still under 130! Hoovering around 127 -128.

Although it's a little more jiggly and less cut than before- but I have been making lame efforts to maintain some decent (and decent is being generous) eating habits and a decent effort (again- I'm being really generous here) toward working out.

and, btw - THANK the LORD I am under 130 without too much effort- because going over 130 might have thrown me over the edge!

so- what exactly is the sand in my KY?

Mostly life in general...but more recently it's been dealing with things that far exceed  my maturity level.

Commercial Real Estate deals with multiple partners in each deal, multiple banks in each deal, multiple nightmares in each deal...blah, blah, blah.

They say when life gives you lemons, make lemon aide!

But life didn't give me lemons- it gave me horrible investment opportunities ...and it's hard to make a juice out of that.

Although.... if you did- I bet it would taste like TURNIP GREEN JUICE. Just sayin'...


I won't bore you with all the details - but it's been a very long and exhausting process of trying to understand them, pay them, deal with them and I'm OVER IT. This particular "sand" has been going on for a couple of years now. Ugh.

It's like I've been living in a John Grisham legal thriller staring Tom Cruise...and I'm Tom Cruise...and I'm running REALLY fast - you know like he does in pretty much EVERY film he's ever made - and I can't quite run fast enough to get to it all.

Oh...and then I discovered that we had a MOUSE in the house.

Ummmm.... I don't do rodents.

I wrote James a note that says "please make the little mouse go away in a manner that I might think he simply choose to move on to another home. This is one of the primary reasons I got married. So I wouldn't have to deal with pest control. Ever. Love, your chicken shit wife."

He laughed and agreed to "quietly escort him out of the house".


I much prefer life to be all about working out, feeling great, looking great, "having to buy new jeans because I've lost so much weight", family, friends, fun... oh, and working - I don't mind working - I actually really enjoy my gigs, as long as it doesn't take over my life completely - I enjoy the work I do!

I also- when given the choice - MUCH prefer - did I say MUCH PREFER - having cash on hand to buy things I really don't need, but somehow rationalize... rather than - giving it to banks to pay down commercial loans.

Hmmmm...a new Silk Kimono Robe and Fabulous Shoes...OR...send some random bank another HUGE check because it's due or because one of our partners can't make their payment....

Ummmmm...Sorry...I'm going for the robe!!!!!

Call me crazy. 

However..I did say, WHEN given a choice. And for a long time now- we haven't really been given a choice.

Although I did buy that robe.

(It went on sale - I couldn't afford NOT to buy that robe...I mean - I WAS MAKING MONEY buying that robe since it was on sale...right? I mean - a girl has needs, right? ...and the robe IS smokin hot. Just sayin...)

Soooooooo....that's where I've been for the last two weeks...sitting in the corner, sucking my thumb, in a kick ass, obserdly expensive silk kimono robe...terrified that I would have a mouse sighting.

These are good times.

(did I mention the robe has gorgeous lace on the sleeves? please don't judge me- I needed a retail hug)

I have fluctuated between days of Helen Ready inspired "I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR" -
where I jumped out of bed and was ready to take on the world....

and days where I literally felt incapable of doing anything because of feeling so overwhelmed.

Seriously, one day I knew if the doorbell rang I KNEW it would be Publishers Clearing House and the very next day if it rang I KNEW it would be someone holding a sickle wearing a less than kick ass robe.

Then.... are you ready for the cherry on top of this shit sundae...drum roll please....

I wrapped up the last two weeks of stress with - well, what else...the stomach flu!!!!
hahahaha!

SO PITIFUL!!!! at this point it's really getting funny... pathetic...but funny...

It all came to a head when one night I was sick at my stomach over stressing about all this non sense, AND sick at my stomach - literally- from the flu - and couldn't sleep. I was laying in bed with tears streaming down my cheeks on to my pillow from the stress/flu combo.

 I was wondering if things will ever get better, easier, "back to normal" ...

...and it was at that exact moment when I hear the worlds loudest "THWAP"...

you guessed it...
the mouse trap going off.

ARE YOU SHITTING ME???????

It's three in the morning. I'm sick. I'm tired. I feel depressed.... I'm crying in my pillow and I was actually awake to hear the crushing blow coming from the kitchen. I felt it in my bones...geez....

I am fairly sure that my reaction was something along the lines of ...
"WTF? IS THIS  REALLY MY LIFE RIGHT NOW?"...

Then I realized I was going to have to get up to vomit again...from the flu, not the mouse.


NOW....PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE LAUGHING RIGHT NOW! - because this is grade A pitiful stuff here and I hope and pray you are laughing hysterically at me and not feeling sorry for me - trust me - I took care of feeling sorry for myself - no need for you to do the same!!!

(sidenote: I insisted James try the "humane" traps that catch the little mouse alive and then you release them outside [side note to side note - James was not happy about this] anyway, the reason the humane traps are humane...is cause they don't work!!!!...that's why they are humane - just wanted you to know we tried to save his little vermon life first, sorry little mouse. RIP.)

So, there you have it - life, stomach flu and pest control.

How pitiful is this story????? seriously pathetic!!!!!

HOWEVER...I'm nothing if not terribly resilient!!!!

soooooo, I am feeling MUCH better - I seem to be all over the tummy bug thing and have had a few days of positive-attitude-driven productivity and the  calvery is coming!

Who is the calvery, you ask...?
Good question - it's a guy that I now refer to (respectfully, of course) as The Bank Whisperer.
He's coming in to take this scritchy scratchy mess off our plates and deal with it for us!!!!

YEAH!!!
Double YEAH!!!!

Why didn't we do that in the first place, you ask...?
another good question - well, have we all forgetten  that I am a CONTROL FREAK and have been insisting that "I could take care of this"  - " I got it" - "I'll deal with it"

but hey- guess what? "I DON'T GOT IT".

I don't even WANT to GOT IT anymore!!!!
That takes a lot to get me to say uncle, calf rope, mercy - to just say -someone please help me.

I know - we've talked about that before - why is it so damn hard for me- for so many of us - to ask for help????

I have no idea.

Is it because sometimes when I do ask, I get let down?
Is it because if I don't ask then I can continue to act like a martyr?
Is it because I think someone else won't be able to do it "like I can"?

I'm not sure - but I do know this-

I cracked.

I asked for help - I admitted defeat - I cried Uncle.

shitballs.

It's a new one for me - but I gotta tell you - I'm really excited about the help being on the way!!!!!

This could be the beginning of a whole new thing for me - handing it over...letting someone else try and make lemon aide out of turnip greens!

I may take to this like a duck to water.

I mean, it's not like James hasn't been trying to take it off my plate for a while now...I was just fighting him and saying I could handle it.

Oh, I handled it - I handled it right on back over to him!

ok- so that's what I've been doing! sound fun?
it has been...if you're idea of fun is a buttermilk enema.

But.... I did manage to stay under 130...workout a few times a week...and most importantly...I did not go on a three state killing spree.
So - I got that goin' for me!

I am very excited to report that I am going to get up in the morning and workout, and start my day off on the right foot and focus on ALL THINGS POSITIVE AND GREAT AND WONDERFUL...
...
and I'll let you know if that lasts past noon!!!

haahaha!!!

no- I'm kidding - it hasn't been ALL doom and gloom - but I know we've all gone through little spots where it FELT like it was ALL doomy and gloomy...so , like I said before - 

I'll always be honest with what I'm dealing with - if for no other reason - that you won't feel like you're the only on who has to weather a few poo storms!

Ahhhhhhh - but I did miss you all!

I'm ready to try again to find a really great groove - I hope you all have been in one - if you have struggled to get back into it ...
I'm right there with you!

but it's never too late to jump on the train headed for Happy Town ... or Thasslessville -
that's where I'm headed (with any luck)...if you want to go with me!!!

Here we go...

All Aboard!!!!!! finally...

I missed talking to you guys!
I hope you're still out there and you'll have me back!
and thanks to everyone that sent sweet little "are you out there?, are you ok?, haven't heard from you in a while" notes - it's probably what kept me working out a little and not eating the house from stress!!!!

Thanks for missing me!

I'm going to go get in my robe now...
night night!!!

xoxoLa

ok...it's gettting better all the time!

I rocked it out today!! up at 5:15- working out at 6:00 - doing mat dvd and cardio - increasing my cardio by about 10 extra minutes... to right around 50 minutes.
Weighing in this morning ....126! So , the holiday weight is falling right back with just a little effort!

Schweet!

Thank goodness - today really reminded me WHY I am doing all this...because I want to.

I caught myself thinking about things I "had to do" and remembered that I wanted to do these things...because I want to feel good about myself, fit in my clothes and be proud of myself.

Reminding yourself that your workout plan is a choice...that really helps!

You know what else helps? Watching 'The Break Up' and seeing Jennifer Aniston's ass when she walks by Vince Vaughn and she's in the buff...that also helps.
My lord- that is the ass I want!!!!!!

I couldn't help noticing this morning while working out that my current tushy seems to be a little bummed out.
(get it - "bummed" out?) ...what do I mean by that? I mean it looks sad...kind of like the sides of it are frowning...I want my arse to SMILE!!!!

I want the sides of it to sort of curl upwards - like it's smiling.
yeah- I want that!!!!!!

Currently - the sides of it are frowning ...or not so much frowning as going straight out to the side..so ...come on Tracy Anderson - let's turn that frown UPSIDE DOWN!!!!

I want an ONION ASS!!! - in case you don't know that joke - an onion ass is an ass that brings tears to a mans eyes!!!

Still makes me laugh...but then again I am infinitely immature.

So...that is now officially part of my goal!!! NO OLD MAN SKIN ON MY STOMACH...and to have an ONION ASS.
 MY Lord - this is gonna be fun!!!


I have been doing fairly well this week and feel like I'm gaining a head of speed to finally be back in my full on groove - but it's really been hard to get back into my great eating and solid workouts.

I decided today that although the weight is coming back off - and I'm thrilled for that - I am going to have to really get back to business for a few weeks at least - in order to regain the lean feelings I had prior to Christmas...
What I'm noticing is that although my eating and workouts are MUCH better - they are really right in line with maintaining...not losing.

When my goal is too maintain - my current "pretty good" will do just fine - but to actually lose and tone more I am going to crank it up a bit ...

makes sense, I guess.

Although I much prefer a world where I can slack off for weeks and not suffer ANY consequences and then put in minimal effort and regain ALL results.
Please let me know - immediately - if any of you know where that world is...for I will move next week.

In the mean time - I will continue living in my current world and abide by it's crappy rules!!!!!

So - a few of you have asked some questions....
Let's start some answering, shall we?


1. Did I switch any of the meals during the 30 day method?

Yes I did. I tried to do every meal exactly as Tracy said, but there were a few times I switched one days breakfast for anothers, or a lunch or dinner - but ALWAYS one from the meal plan and always one from the same meal slot. Lunch for a lunch, dinner for a dinner, etc.

2. Did I drink Coffee?

Yes I did. Now, before any of you gasp and freak out that the "BY THE BOOK" girl drank a cup of coffee every day during the 30 day plan...I never realized I wasn't supposed to drink coffee during the 30 days!! I read that darn book four times and NEVER read that we weren't supposed to drink coffee...however - I saw an interview with Tracy after I was done and she said in the interview - no coffee!!! I almost fell over.
So, it looks like I was violating the rules - but I guess it didn't hurt anything...? I did NOT use ANY dairy in my coffee - EVER.
I had one cup in the morning with a tiny splash of almond milk or soy milk and that was all.
I also occasionally had a second cup at the office - again, no dairy - usually just black.

and I gotta tell ya - cutting out the coffee might have just killed me.

So - I certainly can't endorse having it now that I know better and have heard it's a no-no straight from the boss ladies mouth... but I'm kind of thankful I didn't know it at the time, because I love coffee like a construction worker loves Mountain Dew, Like Sonny loved Cher, like a rat loves a Cheeto - I mean to tell you I LOVE ME SOME COFFEE!!!!!

BTW....my last answer is exactly the kind of thing that drives my husband crazy about me - he would read this and say..."why didn't you just answer  'yes, I had one cup a day.' "

Well, duh...where's the fun in that????

Anyhoo - moving on....

Tomorrow I am going to try and make an emotional plunge into my embarrassingly large closet and PURGE IT!!!
I have decided it's time to commit to getting rid of some things that are TOO BIG (yeah!) and have some faith that I won't need them anymore.

I'm hoping that as I throw out old things my stomach will get the message that we no longer have a use for all the "extra" in our lives...now do we, old man skin?

you hear me ...it's ok to run along now...find some where else to be, your services are no longer needed here!

I know what that crusty little old man will say - "oh yah - looks like you needed me to be there for you when you were packing it on over the holidays"
Oh shut up. No one likes a know it all.
well, that was then - this is now and I'm done with him, the skin, the big girl jeans and I am going to lighten my load!

I'll let you know how it goes...cleaning out my closet could offer some GREAT photo ops!!!

I might go bowling with my friend Eric instead.
hahaha - so many choices, so little time.

Hitting the hay now...up and at it again tomorrow - going for a workout everyday until I see the holiday-schmoliday jiggly-wigglies back off the ole Thass!

xoxoLa

What the ...???? Where did I go?????

wow...where have I been?

Sorry everyone...
I'm not sure how the last six days evaporated on me...but they sure did.

actually - I know exactly how it happened.

Here's the breakdown....
last we talked I was ON IT!!!!...kind of...turned out I was really NOT on it!
unless you're talking about my period... because if that's the case...I WAS SOOOOO ON IT!

and as it can happen from time to time...I was such a big ole nightmare this go round.

See this girl...she's really sweet...and normal...and non-hormonal...last week, I was not this girl.

...last week I was THIS girl. The only thing missing were a few creepy flying monkeys.

I'm not sure how any of your hormones rearrange your personalities... but for me it usually takes the form of a fire breathing, edgy, "now's-not-the-time-to talk-about-this sensitive-issue-but-we're-damn-sure-gonna-talk-about-it-right-now" kind of wife.
Someone please shot me.

For the sake of the general public and certainly for the sake of my poor husband...just shoot me.

So the first night I was planning on blogging - I choose to basically pick a fight with my husband instead. We NEVER fight...and this wasn't really a fight as much as it was me being a little cottin' pickin' ninny mugger and wanting to "settle" some things that were bothering me.

You know the kind of things...the kind of things that cant wait until morning to be discussed even though they won't be bothering me the next morning when my hormones aren't RAGING through my mind and body anymore. Those kind of things.

Soooooo, he was sweet enough to listen as I ranted on and on about - oh, that's right...I can't even remember now - and I finally let him go to bed.
I, however, stayed up REALLY late and continued to feel sorry for myself for sooooooo many incredibly important reasons...oh wait...I can't remember what they are now either...they must have been REALLY life altering.

...or not.

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE that an otherwise NORMAL, RATIONAL, LOVING, HAPPY person...like myself, can turn into such a living nightmare...and then back again to normal....
well, I have no answer - if I did this would be the BLOG OF THE CENTURY!!!!

I have, however, come up with a possible solution...a new wave in home design..and it could change the course of all of our lives.

It is going to be a padded room with a pad lock and a small slit in the door to slide food and water through...it will be for me- and all women like me- to quarantine themselves during their hormonally induced craziness.

I will call it the Bedroom Isolation Time-of-the-month Caused by Hormones Quarters...

or B.I.T.C.H. Quarters - for short.

I think it will offer a HUGE return on your home investment and possibly reduce the divorce rate by half.

Seriously- I think I'm on to something here.

"Where's mommy?"
"She's in the bitch quarters...she'll be out on Monday"
"Oh, Okay. Hey Daddy, please don't let her out early this time."

Just slide me some Tracy Anderson Method DVD's, a few almonds, some lemon water and an US weekly...and I'll be fine in about 24 - 48 hours!!!!!

ok...so that's what happened to the first night... (side note: I stayed up so late feeling pissy about things I can no longer recall that I couldn't get out of bed the next day to workout. well done me.)

The second day I typed a long blog all about me being a nightmare and then couldn't upload it to the blog because of some technical issue with the server on Blogger.com...and as I was still in the "dangerous hormonal zone" - you can imagine how I took that little nugget.

Good news, bad news...
Good news...I didn't throw my computer in the fireplace.
Bad news...I didn't post a blog. Even worse news..I'm fairly confident I gave myself a food hug.
Both nights.

The next morning I was leaving for a fun two day trip with some friends...
AND... since I was in a complete shame spiral over my lost days of pouting and EATING...I got up at 4:00AM so I could workout before I left town!!!

SCORE ONE FOR ME - I was BACK ON IT!

Until I got to my destination...then I was sooooooo NOT BACK ON IT!
shitballs.

I was, however, having a great time with my husband and my friends and enjoying the amazing hospitality of our host and hostess - who REALLY know how to roll out the red carpet for their guests.

We ate and drank and played and had a ball!!!!
Then I was back home in less than 48 hours...and exhausted!!!

That was Saturday.

I crashed and was all excited to rock it out on Sunday...cause I was ready to get ON IT!!! (where have I heard that before???)

so...Sunday morning I wake up and am all ready to hit it...except it had dumped snow!!!!! I mean really snowed!!!!
So, I basically did nothing.

If you're asking yourself what does the snow have to do with heating up the upstairs and me working out indoors...?
Well, duh...it has NOTHING to do with it - I just decided to be lazy and blame it on the snow.

Try and keep up, people.


My goodness, if being exhausted by listening to my own excuses burned calories - I would freakin' TINY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK....now...with Monday on the way... I made it to the store so I could get the right groceries and prepare to - wait for it - GET ON IT!!!!!

But this time...I was serious - and ready- and was not leaving town again - and (this one being the most important) I could really start to tell that I had been slacking for too long in the form of a little return of the Thass!!!
and that is unacceptable!!!!

SOOOOOOO - MONDAY came...and I was FINALLY...ON IT!!!! WOOO HOOOOOO!!!!

I rocked out BC mat DVD 1 with 40 minutes of BC cardio. Ate well, guzzled water...felt better!!!!

Today... lather, rinse, repeat...I did the same routine and am feeling like Stella finally got her groove back!!!!!!!

So, did I have to cash in another coupon??? NO WAY, JOSE!

although I am still hovering around 128-129 ( i dropped to 127 really fast last week - but bounced up a little bit on my trip) and that's way too close for comfort...I am finally ON IT! and will keep it up and rock it out from this point on!

Sorry for the false "I'M ON IT" alarm last week...
and that's not why I fell off the face of the earth and didn't blog about it- it was do to the perfect storm of technical problems, hormonal problems, travel and weather conflicts...and me just losing a little time.

Whew...I can't imagine why any of you would care... but God love ya - some of you do!!! So many of you checked on me and asked where I had disappeared to...and if I was coming back.
That is so incredibly sweet of you all!!!!

Although I am continuing to have large doses of life coming at me pretty fast these days - I find that my sanity is maintained by making time for myself in the mornings and doing my workout.

I also think more clearly and feel better when I'm eating clean foods.

I found that the several weeks of holiday slacking- on working out and eating too many too rich foods- and I could finally feel it around my waste and on my Thass ...and for the first time since boot camp - my jeans were starting to feel tight!!! UGH!!!!

BUT...here's the great news... in just two days I feel better and am resetting my habits AND - they best part...my old "low weight" of 130...is now my new "high weight"...my new ceiling!!!!
How cool is that????????

All because of Tracy Anderson!!!!

So, now that the "re-entry" phase of the new year has past... I am finally ready to settle into it and find my routine and stick to it!!!

I also... I think just to punish myself...took more pictures to use as my new "before" photos - I will display those ugly little critters in about a month or two...so you guys can see my" backsliders blues / post holiday damage" photos compared to a month or two of recovery....

I'm talking I took NASTY photos...I took ones of the old man skin and of my CELLULITE!!!!
Did I really just admit this on the Internet?????

Well, that what I get for leaving you guys high and dry for a week!!!!

Now, I am back and focused on finishing what I started -
 I shall... in this order...and with complete discipline...

1. Recover from holiday indulgences and return to 124 safety zone...and maybe even a little less! 
2. Continue maintaining lower weight so I can say bye-bye to my old man skin and hopefully ...all traces of cellulite.

That's a seriously lofty goal!
But I'm going for it!!!!!

After seeing some of the above mentioned return to my body - I'm determined, more than ever - to get it off - all of it off...and keep it off!!!!

In all fairness - it was slow to return - I really had to over eat and under exercise for several weeks in a row before I saw any signs of it returning - so that's promising!!!!

I am now.... ON IT! SWARE!!!!


I'm going to leave you with a joke (aimed directly at myself....)

"What do you get when you cross a woman with PMS with a GPS????"

" A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!!!!!!!!!"

ahahahahaha!!!!!

I'll get to answering questions tomorrow for all of you who are sending questions on your boot camp experience...now that I've begged for your forgiveness!!!!

Sweet dreams...and don't forget to tell yourself how beautiful you are, how much you appreciate all that you do for yourself, and that when you fall short...it's ok. It really is...tomorrow is a new day - and a new chance to be ON IT!!!!

oxxooLa

New Year..New You!

It's FINALLY the New Year!!

It's the ultimate "Monday"- a perfect time to start the new you - unless you are totally digging the old you - then keep rockin' that one.

But, I personally believe there is always room for improvement and this year is going to be the year of improving for me!

I am going to embark on the ultimate journey or improving on all fronts..and rears, for that matter.

So, I have to start today's blog with some REALLY exciting news!!!!

I got word today that American Country Countdown and Citadel picked my crazy little blog to be featured as the Jan 2011 "Bloggers We Love"!!!!

Can you believe that????


How great is that????!!!!
I was so excited..and honored...and thrilled!!...and shocked, quite frankly! But mostly just tickled that anyone would want to read along and laugh with me!

So - as of tonight - we may have some new folks joining in and reading about all my craziness!
Welcome ACC and Citidel readers - I'm so happy you're here!!!!

I never imagined my 15 minutes of fame would be centered around me talking about my buttocks sliding down the back of my legs  - and what I was going to do about it...
hahah- figures!

But, sincerely...thank you to Nikita, Dawn, and Donna (and Brian, Lonnie and Kix, too!) for making me feel so special!!
I really appreciate your support!!!

So...
For anyone just joining us...last October 3rd I started a 30 day challenge following the Tracy Anderson Method and well...it almost killed me - but I did it- EXACTLY BY THE BOOK - if you go to the beginning of the blog, you can read along and laugh at my daily struggles and then see my before and after photos on day thirty!!!

It totally changed my body, my attitude towards food and has left me with the daunting knowledge that when I completely apply myself I can accomplish anything.

Oh hell...that's a lot of pressure...

But bring it on!!!

We are all more powerful than we think we are- kind of scary -kind of exciting.

I learned that with hard work and commitment... I...WE...can change anything in our lives.
ANYTHING!
How cool s that???

That's the good news.

Here's the not so good news...I've got lots of things to change!!!!

I had never blogged before, and had no intentions of blogging after my thirty days of boot camp...but what I discovered during my thirty days of blogging was that , you know what?...we are all striving for the same things, we are all trying hard in hard times, we are all tired, we are all stressed out, we are all short on time and long on goals...
but we are all in this together!
- and it's a whole lot easier to accomplish your goals with some friends cheering you on!!!

I have learned that ALL OVER THE WORLD there are women - just like me - just like you - wanting to be all that we can be...
amazing women who want it all - and amazing men who want it all for that matter!

We put tough standards on ourselves -probably more tough than we should at times...
we want to be amazing parents, amazing partners, amazing friends, amazing homemakers, amazing providers, AND have amazing bodies...hmmmm... that can leave a girl kinda tired just thinking about it.

We all struggle with time restraints, financial restraints, needy family members, needy jobs, and a lack of motivation from time to time...

but here's the GREAT news.....

WE CAN DO IT ALL!!!
Maybe not all at once, and maybe not everything for everyone..but when we prioritize ourselves, and make time for ourselves, and (gasp) are kind to ourselves...
we can change anything we put our minds to!!!!


Soooooooo - this year, I am going to continue examining things that I think need changing - especially those that I think I CANNOT change - and CHANGE THEM!!!
One at a time I'm going to set em up and knock em down!!


I have always struggled with my weight - I sware I was on Slimfast as a child instead of formula...
so last November - after boot camp - when I saw an ACTUAL ab muscle - on MY OWN stomach...well, I knew anything was possible!!!!!

My goal during boot camp was to survive boot camp..after boot camp it changed to maintaining my results while still having a life.

That is where the rubber meets the road, folks! and guess what..so far so good!

My goal from November 3, 2010 became to maintain my weight loss and results and stay under 130 for an entire year. I allowed myself 4 "coupons" for the year.
These coupons are like "get out of jail free" cards...they are for emergencies only...if I go over 130, each coupon grants me 48 hours to get back under 130.

Before Tracy Anderson's boot camp program - I  had only weighed under 130 once in my entire life...and it was for about 10 minutes.

I have no been under 130 for 2 months!!!

I ate and drank like a redneck on a Carnival Cruise for the last few weeks...but continued to workout and try to not go too crazy!

I made it through Thanksgiving and Christmas - with no problem...however... my trip to Cancun immediately following Christmas was a little more challenging...

I actually ate Cancun. Seriously, I had to declare my extra weight on my customs form...it was ugly.

I did , however, stay hydrated with cranberry juice.
Oh, did I mention that my cranberry juice had vodka in it???

yah - then there's that.

So - I weighed in today and my weight...EXACTLY 130!!!! hahahaahah!!!! I laughed really hard at that!

I do have to confess and tell you that since I weighed in today at 130- then I KNOW I was over 130 yesterday - I could feel it.
so...I am cashing in ONE of my coupons!!! Bummer!

Oh well, it's still- far and away - the best I've ever fared over the holidays!! I'm very proud of my efforts...and am not going to beat myself up about it - it's all about keeping things in check, staying healthy and finding a balance. AND learning what is too much, what is not enough...it's a learning curve.
I'm learning that I like a little less curve! and by curve- I mean BOO-TAY!

I am guessing that I will recover from all indulgences over the holidays in about a week to ten days - and be back to my fighting weight of around 125!!!!!

THEN... to infinity and beyond!!!

This will be the year of HOTNESS! This WILL be the year I loss the rest of the Thass!!! This WILL be the year I loss the old man skin off my stomach. This WILL be the year I like the way I look in a bathing suit. (by my trip to Bora Bora, hopefully)

Lofty goals - but I'm ready to kick it in the teeth and CLAIM IT for my own!!!

Along with that whopper of a goal - I'm going to tackle some other doozies...

BIG LIFE ISSUES:
Time management. That's gonna be a tough one for me. May have to get a life coach!!!

Organization. I am going to drop ALL the "dead weight" of too much stuff (and by stuff - I mean crap)

Saying NO. Another big one for me that will probably involve the above mentioned other two...

SMALLER LITTLE THINGS:

Better Skin Care. Why the hell is my face always red and why do my pores need manhole covers???? That's got to change.

Cellulite. ummmm...where do I begin? ARGH... the Apollo 13 could land on my ass and it would be one small step for man...blah, blah, blah...moon craters...belong on the moon.
 I'm going to FORCE it to go away - if we can send a man to the moon...surely we can make my hiney look less like the moon's surface...right???

you know what - there are too many little things to list - we will tackle those one at a time!

BUT - you can rest assured...good, bad and ugly... I will share all my victories, all my struggles and   missteps, and all my hysterical antics - with you!

I'm going to break some of the issues down to other 30 day challenges!!!
I'll give everyone plenty of warning on what's coming up...just in case it's something you want to try and tackle with me!

Hopefully ,we can all learn together and if nothing else... you are free to laugh at this 5'5", bleach blond, 41 year old, botoxed, chick in Nashville trying to DO IT ALL!!!!


This month- we are going to keep focusing on what we focused on the last few months...our workouts, food plans and learning to love our bodies!!! Since it's the first of the year- it seems only natural.
and who am I kidding... it will always be a major part of our talks, because it always seems to be a major part of my life.


My favorite comment posted last year
and it sums it all up perfectly...
had to be this one:

"My Facebook relationship with FOOD : It's complicated"

hahahaa! you guys post some seriously funny things! hysterical!!!



Lastly... and most importantly... this year, more than ever before...


I am  going to dream.

I'm going to dream big and I'm not going to apologize for it. That will be a first for me.

I am going to believe in myself the way I believe in everyone around me.

I am going to kick this year's ass -and my own in the process!!! It's going to be the best dang year EVER!!!!
Why shouldn't it be?

Right???

Let's do it all together, shall we???

I am also going to dedicate one day a week to addressing all of your comments and question - that way you will have a place to go to get your response... that might work, huh? Ha! Give a girl a blog and she thinks she's an expert!!! :)

So - in review...
after the holidays - I've cashed in one coupon - but hopefully it will be the only one all year long!!!!
I'm at 130 and headed back to my comfort zone of 125 or less.

I started the boot camp mat work and cardio today and will expand on that plan tomorrow - and include what I'm eating - then I can keep you posted on how long  my "recovery phase" takes.

I will also include more photos and video blogs!!! Now that I know how to do them!!!

I may even take before and after photos of my old man skin and ...cellulite. oh geez.

ok, all you beautiful people - I'm going to crash now!!!
Sweet dreams to you all - and make the most of your day tomorrow - for you will never get that day again!!!! Make it count!!!!!!!

Here we go.... I'm excited!!!!!!!!

xoxoLa